БАНК-НЕВА - кредиты, подарки и личные отношения

[BeckyBoo]

....but mostly for my lovely children. And have to write it on here before I make a phone call or get involved in a text war that I might regret. You might remember the trouble I had with Mr Bertie last year, well, those of you that see me on Facebook may have guessed that he is now the ex-Mr Bertie. It was always going to happen to be honest but at least he went by mutual agreement and with the understanding that we would keep it all amicable.

Well that lasted three days. He's managed to rent himself a room - would you believe it, in the PUB at the top of our road, the one where all his binges took place, how ironic that he now lives there. And, presumably as a result of having intelligent and informed discussions with all his "mates" til three in the morning, he informed me last week that, not only was he not going to give me any money (as in the housekeeping etc which is how we always divvied things up) but he would not be paying me anything full stop, would not assist with childcare, therefore meaning I can't go to work which is why I'm on here not sitting in the office, and, worst of all, and completely gob-smacking, which not only can I not believe but I can hardly bear to write, he's not going to be seeing the children either. I've only spoken to a few people that know him about it, my parents are disgusted, my two friends can't believe it and even HIS friend shook his head and said he was being, well he didn't use the word idiot but that's sort of what he meant.

What have my three beautiful lovely innocent children ever done to him? To be honest I was so angry that I shoved the rest of his stuff into bin bags, rang him and said "It's Wednesday, it's dustbin day, your stuff is out the front in bags, you've got half an hour til they get here". Needless to say he was too much of a coward to come and got a friend of his to pick his stuff up. And I feel SUCH a mug, because after he had gone at the start, I rang to ask if he had any food and when he said no I got a big on-line shopping type crate and filled it with tea, coffee, potatoes, milk bread butter eggs bacon stuff from the freezer. Next day I texted him saying if you haven't got good laundry facilities you can still use the machines here or drop it off, I won't iron it but I will wash it. And this is how I get treated.

I ran out of money mid week last week, I had £3 and four pints of milk left. My mum gave me some housekeeping, and, when you're not being ethical in your shopping, it's amazing how much you can get for £54. But The shopping list is growing again, two need haircuts, there's school milk and one lot of school dinners to pay for, plus Rainbows, Brownies and the eldest and youngest need measuring for shoes. Never mind that I'm out of chicken bedding completely (not to worry on that one - I'm going to bag some shredded paper from work on Monday) and work have been fab - they basically said I can work whatever hours I can manage, by shuffling them around I'm going to be able to INCREASE my hours so Ill be working 32 hours a week. Still don't know if I'll be able to manage everything on my own though. Anyway, I probably shouldn't be putting it all on here, but stuff it, he's told half the village how many different types of ***** I am so why should I care?

 

I've been really fine up until today, I knew this day would come - when I was tired and a bit downhearted. It's because I'm gradually introducing the children to the idea that actually, Daddy isn't coming back. Sadly they've hardly asked about him, but they will and whilst I can handle telling them that we've split up, I'm not quite sure how to tell them that he doesn't want to see them. I'm hoping he was just saying it in anger and that he will change his mind. That's why I'm on here, because I've been fighting the urge all night and half the afternoon to ring him or text him and tell him what a (insert your own word for him here!) he's being. We are all MUCH better off without him in the house, it's calmer, the kids are fine, but they SHOULD have him in their lives even if my oinion of him is lower than a cobras belly.

 

Oh well, that feels a bit better, ironically I'm now going back to my glass of red wine, someone at work bought it in for me to cheer me up - as it has chickens on the label!!

 

Mrs B (who MUST work out how to change her user name!)

[ClaireG]

Oh Mrs B i'm so sorry to hear what an "Ooops, word censored!" he is being. I truley hope that he changes his mind about seeing his children, as you say none of this is their fault. As for money i can only suggest you phone the Works and Pensions people and make an appointment with someone to get any benefits you may be intitled to. Im sorry i really don't know what else to say or suggest. Rant as much as you like here, you know were all here for you. Take care, love and hugs xx

[Janty]

You can do this alone and you will. You do not need him at all. You have carried him all these years and the way to look at it now is that you have less responsibility. Yes, you have lost an income but there are ways around this.

 

Be strong. Treat yourself to a nice soak with some candles to go with that glass of wine.

 

I have been in the same position as you. My ex left me with huge debts and I worked through it. I had help from my parents and work were good to me too. Take the help when you can get it, moan to us lot but be strong (or at least give him that impression). Don't give him the satisfaction of calling him.

 

If you need to pm me feel free.

 

Best wishes,

 

Jan

[jackiepoppies]

OH no! I can't get my head around facebook so the last I read you were trying to work it out. I'm so,so sorry it didn't happen.

My thoughts are with you and the children at this very difficult time. You will come through this but just remember we're all here for you.

Huge hugs,

 

Jackiex

[Cinnamon]

Mrs B, I am so sorry.

Its telling that your lovely children haven't spoken about him as yet. Maybe they just don't miss his 'presence' around the house

Maybe they feel safer & more secure with you looking out for them?

 

He MUST pay you some money - its the law, so get on to th CSA on Monday please & get it sorted out.

You can also contact the tax credits people, for what its worth, as they will give you a bigger allowance & I am sure that some clever person out there in Omletland can advise you on many other benefits & ENTITLEMENTS you are due.

 

You are a lovely person & you will get throught this difficult time to find that you have raised some super children to the very best of your abaility

 

We are all here to listen,help & advise if we can

[Snowy]

Oh you poor thing! VERY BIG ((((HUG)))) to you.

What can I say? You gave it your best shot with him, now he has to do it his way. You are not responsible for him or what happens to him now. Grit your teeth, come on here and sound off, and don't whatever you do descend to his level. Must be very hard for the children - but it is not personal, and he probably will regret things in the future. The children just need to know that Daddy is ill and this is the only way he can be helped.

Sit tight Hon, things will get better. xx

[Guest]

On the subject of the children STOP WORRYING. They take very little notice honest. James' Dad didn't get in touch and ask to see him for a whole SIX MONTHS a few months after we split up. I worried and worried about how this would affect James and he never mentioned it at all so I worried that he was bottling it up. When his Dad finally arranged to have him I didn't tell him till an hour beforehand (previously he was that unreliable that he would text at the last min to say he wasn't coming) and then I said to James "someone's coming who you haven't seen in a long time" He started jumping around yelling "Gary, Gary" - Gary of course is my mate from work who drops round every week or two! When I said no it's Daddy, he said oh it hasn't been long since I've seen him.

 

My husband always spent more time in the pub than with us which is why James is so indifferent. Your kids are likely the same. Now his Dad is trying and is seeing him mostly every fortnight, give or take a week or two here and there and has been asking to have James overnight, James isn't keen on the sleepovers as he misses me and Gran but Daddy asked him to "promise" he would come for sleepovers EVERY WEEK! Funny how he seems to have forgotton already, he was supposed to have him today but when I texted to see if he was having him this weekend he texted back that he would pick him up Sunday between 12 and 12.30. I didn't make a fuss because James has said loads of times this week that he didn't want to sleepover.

 

You look after yourself and your kids, Mr B will realise he is being stupid and sort something out even if it's not himself. Oh and call the CSA to get the wheels in motion to get some money off him - this wasn't even an option for me, I would get about a tenner a month as my useless good for nothing alcholic husband doesnt' even have a proper job. Mind you he doesn't live in the pub but he does CLEAN it!!!

[redhotchick]

Mrs Bertie, you know that you can share on this forum and get positive advice and support.

I have no advice to offer, other than I would pm those who have been in a similar position. My very best wishes are sent your way.

[jess]

If you're going through hell, keep going!

[chelsea]

Oh dear Mrs B, I am so sorry things have taken a very bad turn.

 

Im not very good with advice really , I would just say be yourself and live your life the way you want to live it - with your lovely kids and chooks . Dont let him drag you down to his level, if he wants to live in a pub and throw everything away thats his choice but he will have to live with it.

 

Focus on you & your children, be strong, positive and move forward. Its going to be hard, but I know you can do it.

xx

[Gamebird]

So sorry Mrs B that you tried so hard to make things work out but it wasn't meant to be.

 

I wish you luck for your future.

[chickencam]

I am so sorry that life has dealt you this rubbish.

 

All I can say at the moment is my thoughts and best wishes are with you. We are all here whenever you need to rant or rave in a safe place

 

Love and hugs to you and your children.

[Blackrocksrock]

Big hugs but you will be strong and better without him in the long run - keep your chin up the children need you and you yourself deseve a break.

[Egluntyne]

So sorry Mrs B.

 

All the best to you and your children.

[Cooks]

((hug))

[Chook n Boo Mum]

Mrs B, I'm so sorry it has come to this, but you are amongst friends here, and there's usually someone around at any time of the day or night for a "chat" should you need it.

 

{{hugs}} Sha x

[Purplemaniacs]

Mrs B so sorry to hear of your news. Don't do facebook but from things I have read here I am sure it is for the best in the long run although very tough at the moment.

 

Not sure how old your children are but it may be worth letting their school know as children do confide in adults they trust at school. I am an HLTA and some talk to me when things are difficult at home as they don't want to talk to Mum or Dad because they don't want to upset their Mum or Dad more than they are already.

 

All the best for the future.

 

Chrissie x

[Groovychook]

I'm so sorry for all you're going through.

 

It sounds as though you've done everything in your power to help him and it must be so painful to have it all thrown back in your face. I would think that he's being so awkward about the children because he knows how much it will hurt you. It's a very low blow to hit you with but I'm sure that with the help & support of your family and friends that you can get through this.

 

Sending you lots of love. xxx

[Mrs Webmuppet]

Sending you big hugs.Be strong for yourself and for the kids.

 

On the practical side contact the CSA, DWP and don't forget tax credits. Oh and the council you should be able to get a discount as the only adult in the house (and ask about any benefits due to reduced income). The kids may even be entitled to free school dinners.

[susanbb]

Sorry to hear what you are going through. You should perhaps try Citezen's Advice Bureau as they may be able to help .

 

My thought are with you and your family.

 

Take care

[Seagazer]

I'm so sorry Mrs B that it didn't work out. Sending my best wishes to you and your children.

[Chickvic]

So sorry Mrs B. sending lots of (((hugs))).

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I'm so sorry to hear it's come to this . I well remember the last time you had to post about this situation .

 

I can't offer any useful advice but offer you my sympathies and best wishes.

[Paola]

I am so sorry Mrs B I have nothing to add that has not been said. Do contact Tax Credits people, there were fantastic with helping out with childcare costs etc when I was a single parent. I also had a good experience with the CSA. ((((((((hug))))))))))

[nicki9]

So sorry to hear about what is happening .

No advice that hasn't already been given, but ((((HUGS)))).