Omletina Kyckling Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 I'm feeling low, really low. Can't understand it. The divorce is nearly final, he can apply for decree absolute from tomorrow onwards. He sent a horrible letter to my mum last week, two pages of typed A4 basically saying what a greedy, lazy gold digger I was (I was with the man for 17 years, not a matter of months so clearly wasn't just after him for his money!!) then on page 2 he said that I had redeemable "qualities and skills" so he thinks we should be together!! Mum refused to read it. The settlement has now been paid out (he sent a cheque with the letter) so I'm out of the red, which is good, and have paid my mum and dad back for the loan they gave me to buy my cottage. I should be feeling really positive, but I'm not at all, I'm feeling very down, bursting into tears at anything! I'm still on the anti depressants, have been for a year. I'd hoped to come off them soon, but can't see that happening. My health isn't fab. The arthritis is flaring up and my blood tests have been abnormal recently, with raised liver enzymes, not good. I'm going to Sweden next weekend and should be sooo looking forward to it but in a way I'm dreading it, as it's going to bring back lots of memories Just don't know what to do to lift myself. Sorry for moaning! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Sorry to hear that you are feeling low. Fancy a spot of Christmas Shopping? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linda Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. It's a horrible thing to go through. As to the unkind comments about you in the letter to your Mum, remember YOU know who you are and what you are really like. It's easier said than done when you are feeling sensitive but you know the truth so try to hold onto that for now until it's all in the past and you can have the freedom to live your life without the grey cloud hanging over you. Good luck with the Sweden trip - you will probably find you feel much better about it than you expect! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedusA Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Oh dear. I haven't been on the forum much lately (life getting in the way), so have missed lots of things happening. It sounds like you've been having a really tough time, so positive vibes on their way as requested. *hugs* I hope that you get through to the light at the end of the very dark tunnel soon. It sounds like you have a very supportive family which is half the battle. Good luck and all the best for the Sweden trip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omletina Kyckling Posted November 8, 2010 Author Share Posted November 8, 2010 Sorry to hear that you are feeling low. Fancy a spot of Christmas Shopping? OOh that sounds nice. I'm going to Meadowhell on Wednesday with my SIL to have a mooch, but would love to get together with you when I get back from Sweden. Am looking to get some tarpaulin to put around the run, perhaps I could enlist you to help me put it up too if we get a nice day?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 I'll look forward to it. Hope Sweden is a nice relaxing break for you and that you can put a few demons to rest there. xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyhunnypie Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Aww sweetheart - you've got lots of friends on here! You can moan & weep all you like - we are all here to give our support & hugs whenever you need it. Just holler! Hugs.. Emma.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickendoodle Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 It doesn't matter what has gone on leading to the divorce, it still represents the end of an era which is very depressing. The end of a marriage is an end to all the hopes and dreams you shared at the beginning. Once it is completely finalised you will be able to look forward instead of looking back. It is so so sad when people who have loved each other no longer do (I too am divorced but happily remarried for 21 years). Even now I still have spells of re-living all of the horrible things that were said and done - usually when my hormones are having a go! It will get better. This is the start of the rest of your life. Stay strong x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 I'm sorry to hear that Omletina, I hope that the trip to Sweden and shopping with Egluntyne helps to lift you. The weather doesn't help either Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C&T Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Of course you are feeling a bit down. It is perfectly natural to grieve at the end of a relationship, and having the "legal" stuff almost done, is acting as a reminder of it. Give yourself some time - it is a great healer, and having plans in place is a great way of looking forward - be it a trip to Sweden, or hanging up your tarpaulin and Christmas Shopping! And in time, you will be thinking of the past less and less, and the future more and more. Good Luck with everything - lots of positive vibes coming your way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 I agree with others - it's the end of the battle, you've put all your resources into dealing with legal matters, buying your new home and so on - and then suddenly it's all over, and you now need to focus on something else, and that can be quite frightening. You've also gone through enormous upheaval - divorce and moving house are two of the most stressful things anyone can experience. Don't expect too much of yourself, make sure you are looking after yourself and build in lots of 'me' things, even if it's just sitting down with a magazine and a cup of tea, or getting your nails done, or buying yourself flowers - whatever works for you. I hope you have a lovely time in Sweden, even if there are some sad feelings there will probably be lots of happy ones as well. Oh - and the letter to your mum? Well that says a lot about HIM, not about you! Sounds as if you have moved on and he hasn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaireG Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Sending you ((hugs)). Your bound to feel down, 17 years is a long time to be with someone and things are now drawing to a close. I think sometimes that it's when things start getting sorted and are going the right way that are bodies crash. As Claret said this weather doesn't help at all, my RA is playing up. Enjoy Sweden and try to give yourself some treats etc to focus on and look forward to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snoxy Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 (((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))) and POSTIVE VIBES in masses coming your way from me Getting through a divorce and living with it afterwards is a challenge but YOU can do it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goodinparts Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 That's lots of really hard stuff - no wonder you're feeling down - the joys of a wet Monday in November won't have helped either...But as others have said, you're reaching the end of a miserable chapter...and when you return from Sweden perhaps you can begin to look forward. Meanwhile, sending love and a prayer or 2 as well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 I can only echo what the others have said and send you a big (((((hug)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lewis Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Again Just ignore it - I agree with Olly. Think of the positives... new cottage, new WIR ... new life Have a good time in Sweden + just enjoy seeing your friends, forget everything else. Sending brummie *hugs* + see you soon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chick wiggle Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Aww im really sorry your feeling so down hun, sending you huge hugs and lots of positive vibes. I hope you enjoy your holiday and come back feeling stronger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 It doesn't matter what has gone on leading to the divorce, it still represents the end of an era which is very depressing. The end of a marriage is an end to all the hopes and dreams you shared at the beginning. Once it is completely finalised you will be able to look forward instead of looking back. It is so so sad when people who have loved each other no longer do (I too am divorced but happily remarried for 21 years). Even now I still have spells of re-living all of the horrible things that were said and done - usually when my hormones are having a go! It will get better. This is the start of the rest of your life. Stay strong x Exactly! I couldn't put it any differently. Be gentle with yourself and try to enjoy your trip to Sweden Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarlettohara Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 (edited) (((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))) and POSTIVE VIBES in masses coming your way from me Getting through a divorce and living with it afterwards is a challenge but YOU can do it I'm in the same boat as you after 21 years but we are separated and won't divorce until next year. He has called me greedy etc etc and even compared me to the woman he is with now by saying 'she doesn't want my money she has her own , a job and her own family' I politely pointed out that I had all these things too except she now has my husband If you are not ready to come off anti-depressants then don't - my gp wants to reduce my dose after Christmas and see how I get on, it's fine to feel upset sometimes - little things set me off but then you can move on again Have a lovely time in Sweden Edited November 8, 2010 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sageandonion Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Hugs from me too and hoping you have a lovely time in Sweden. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plum Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Hey don't be so hard on yourself you need to feel bad and down to let go of what you've been through and grieve for what's past and what could have been. Sounds like you ex isn't helping much. You are a lovely person and we are all fond of you. Like others have said it's the start of a new life but you've still got to complete the divorce and get through this part. Will see you soon xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couperwife Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Lots and lots of hugs ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) Cathy X Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Lots of hugs from me too and I hope you have a lovely trip to Sweden. We'll all be here whenever you need us for more hugs and positive vibes....oh, and to hear about Sweden too! XXXXXXXX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janty Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Turn things round on your terms...have a party! Sounds like a horrid idea but I had a divorce party. It was a sort of celebration that I had come through everything and could make a start to my new life and do what I wanted to do. It really lifted my spirits when I was low. I combined it with getting my belly button and the top of my ear pierced. My ex also went through a phase of sending nasty stuff...try returning his post unopened but in a bigger envelope that will incur postage charges. Nasty little man! You deserve better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 You need a punchball Diane! best and cheapest therapy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
