Solitary chicken - need advice

[jlo]

Mrs B - so sorry to hear that life is being really awful at the moment, You are not too far from me and I am happy to come over with a bottle of vino at some stage if you want a rant in person!

 

I am rubbish at advice but not bad at just listening!

[xChicken04x]

Poor you, try to relax a bit, easier said than done, I know.

Hope your little boy gets better soon, these things usually go as quick as they come.

 

xxxx

[freddie]

Theres a word you need in yr vocabulary, and its"no",

the OH can do all sorts to help, and you must let him. Clear concise instructions, they thrive on it. I also have been where you are now, and its awful. Horrid. Its better now, I'm learning to delegate. Its hard, and pretty stressful at first, but you'll get used to it!!(i went through feeling that i was a failure for not being cosmo woman, but its a media fantasy. )

You cant go back to work with the life you have now, so you will need to let (read tell!) others how and what they can do to help. small children can pair up socks....

Iron nothing, no one notices!!

we are all struggling, but few admit it. Please take some time for you, even if you lock yourself in the bathroom for an hr a week. you're allowed to. bet OH does....

can you talk to the GP and explain how you feel. Lack of sleep is really bad, as everything looks black.

wishing you all the best and big virual hugs,

[The Dogmother]

What a bummer Mrs B, and you're probably feeling worse because you're poorly.

 

Delegate

Make OH see to the little un in the night

Get some sleep

Give us a hug OOOOOOOO

 

Take care and hang on in there, see if the children will make a game/challenge about learning to be thrifty and cutting back - give them charts and appoint each on of them monitors for things like turning off lights/appliances. Rosie used to be useless at stuff like that, but i did that with her and now she's my own eco-warrior and Captain Thrifty

[Phonix]

MRS B sorry to hear that you're having a bit of a time of it.

Alot of us seem to be having a pretty awful time at the mo so fingers crossed for anyone feeling a little down - it can only get better right?

Anyway ((HUGS)) to you Mrs B and hope you and your little buy are both feeling better soon!

 

xXx

[Angels4]

Mrs. B I'm sorry to hear you feel as though you can't manage. I agree with freddie, you simply must insist that your OH help out more, and just like freddie says "no" is a complete sentence. No explenation needed. I truly wish we could all come to you and help support your load. As we can't all be there in person, please feel free to rant to your hearts content and know that you will not be judged. I'm sure if the shoe were on the other foot you would be one of the first to offer support. In the meantime allow yourself time to relax you deserve it. My thoughts are with you. Also you mention it it your eldest daughters birthday, you don't mention her age, but perhaps it's time for her to help out a little as well. Take care of you. A BIG FAT cyber coming your way.

[Ms Marple]

Please rant on Mrs Bertie. This forum is not judgmental but very supportive. I hope you can try to talk to OH- the money worries need to be shared - you can't shoulder it all alone. Claret's ideas for getting the children on board with thrifty behaviour sounds good. Work out what you CAN pay and when. Can you take a payment break with your mortgage (if you have one)? I think, but don't' lnow for sure, that companies are more willing to listen when ou confront them with your situation and a suggestion rather than waiting for the red letters.

Please accept big hugs from me too

 

Sorry but I don't know how to make the image appear.

Edited twice cos my ability to spelchek is awful

Edited October 14, 2008 by Guest

[redhotchick]

Hope you are feeling better.

I agree with what Medusa said above, contact all the companies where you feel you may not be able to meet the bills. There are lots of people in the same situation.

Work out your budget before you speak to them so you know where you are going.

Oh dear, I hope you have the energy to do what you need to. It is an effort and hard work, especially when you are feeling unwell anyway.

I recommend home made chicken soup, with lots of garlic in for your poorly throat. This is obviously best made by somebody else, which sounds unlikely. Stir fried veg with ginger and garlic is also really good.

Take care of yourself. My mum was always really strong and I had a great upbringing although there wasn't much money. Mums are great. Try and do the minimum and gets lots of rest.

I was wondering, could you carry your little un into your bed when he is asleep and you sleep in his bed? Would he come looking for you anyway?

[Tessa the Duchess]

Nothing much to add, so many good suggestions and advice from others. I also agree that you are fantastic at supporting others when they are having a bad time, so don't hesitate to come on here and rant for England I am frequently in awe at what you accomplish in your life, working, small children, all your pets to look after and your marvellous cooking skills. I can only offer you the same big squishy hug that ANH sent you

 

Tessax

[Guest]

I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling so stressed Mrs B. I know how worrying and horrible being short of money is and then to have your little boy ill with all the extra work that entails can just be the last straw. Some days, it doesn't matter how hard you try, nothing seems to work out well does it? Please go back to your doctor and take care of yourself.

I knew this forum was good and I knew the people were nice, I didn't realise quite how lovely you all are. If only everyone in life was so supportive and kind.

 

We don't tell 'real' people quite how it is though do we? This forum is excellent for being able to speak more openly than we do normally. Also when life is at its worst, we don't have time to stand and chat, but a quick go on the computer relieves the stress. We're all normal - ish people so I believe that a lot of people in life are supportive and kind too; we just rarely test it.

 

Stay close to your OH - you need to be together. Take care! xx

[Gamebird]

Oh, Mrs B I cannot wave any magic wand and make things better but I can say that your words on this forum have made me smile and laugh and I do know that life goes in circles and things do get better.

 

Hang on in there and cherish what you have.

 

xxxxxxxxxxx

[Tigerlily]

You rant on Mrs B!

 

I really hope everything settles down and that you feel much better very soon

 

Sending you a big (((((hug))))) and a to cheer you up a little.

 

Take care and look after yourself

 

BW xxx

[Olly]

Oh poor you Mrs B. - you always seem to be so busy, once you start to feel ill then everything seems ten times worse- agree with all the people on here who've suggested asking the doctor to sign you off for a bit. It's not a sign of weakness! I couldn't do your job, especially with the hours it involves.

 

I don't have children, but I grew up in a family that didn't have much money; we still had fun, we've all been successful in life, and are still close. Your children will appreciate your sense of humour, strength, kindness and determination when they're older - they won't look back and wish you'd had more money.

 

Hope the little one gets better, the party is a big success, and you get some sleep.

[ClaireG]

Sending virtual hugs and hope you and your son are feeling better soon. I agree with what others have said about delegating and saying no. I know it's hard to do, i used to be usless at it but am getting better now!

[clootie]

How are you today Mrs B? Hope you're feeling a little better. xx

[Egluntyne]

Hope you are feeling a bit better after some sleep, and that the little one is over the worst.

 

A 54 hour week with 4 hours kip a night did you say? Crikey!

 

I find sleep deprivation makes problems seem insurmountable.

 

Unless you absolutely love your job and are on the career path, would you consider changing it?

 

Good luck at the doctors. If you can get him to sign you off for a few days, do it and catch up on sleep.

 

Try to cut down on unnecessary tasks too. The more you do, the more people ask of you.

 

I hope the party goes well.

 

Take care

 

xx

[MedusA]

Olly's comments have reminded me of past times when money was v-e-r-y tight. When I was in my early teens my poor Mum had to bring three of us up as a single mum (Dad ran off and left us penniless when I was 11). She worked rather than live off benefits, but we all know how little women were paid back then. We often had to feel down the back of sofas etc to try and s"Ooops, word censored!"e together enough pennies for a loaf of bread. I even gave her money from my paper round to supplement the meagre budget. My canny brother, on the other hand, used to "loan" her money from his money box and charge interest!

 

Then later on, when I was married and my DD was small, OH decided to leave paid employment and do his PhD! After his grant ran out and the PhD STILL wasn't finished, we had to survive solely on my bursary as a Student Nurse, which wasn't much at all. I'll never forget my little girl saying to me one day "Mummy, have we always been poor?" because we couldn't afford to buy her any of things her friends had.

 

I'm sure you'll get through this Mrs. B, but it is for you as a family to achieve this, not you alone!!!!

 

{{{{{{{{more hugs}}}}}}}}

[..lay a little egg for me]

Grrr...I posted you some (((hugs))) yesterday but for some reason they and my messages of support did not appear! I hope you managed to get some sleep last night and that OH took some share of the burden.

 

Hope these (((hugs))) get to to you today!

[Lesley]

Big (((((((((HUGS))))))) from here as well Mrs.B - I hope you are feeling better about it all today.

[Chook n Boo Mum]

Mrs B, What can I say that hasn't already been said?

 

I know how difficult that one word sentence "no" is - but I am trying to use it, you must too. If nothing else for your sanity. Everyone knows that you love them and will always do your best for them, but they have to take a bit of the weight too.

And if the kids have beans or scambled egg on toast and an apple for tea so you don't have to slave over a hot stove for an hour or more to make them some wonderful dinner - so what?! (particularly if you've had a nap when you would normally have been prepping the food!) It contains all the food groups is a perfectly balanced meal & quick too - it's my DS's favourite meal, DD's is pasta & tuna with peas, all mixed together with a dollop of mayo! Best of all most kids will clear their plates of it! If your daughters are old enough, they could even do it for you.

 

Please let others help you, they will appreciate you more too I'd have thought. Any time I have to delegate to my DD he always makes me write it down - almost minute by minute to start with - but he's getting better since we've now got the children in 2 different schools & I can't physically be in two places at once! All it takes is a little training! Maybe draw up a chore chart if the girls are old enough - even little man could have a few like helping pair up socks ( you may end up with some interesting pairings, but just announce it's "odd sock day" to anyone who notices!!!) , putting his toys away, folding towels from the washing and making his bed - easy with a duvet.

 

Money; you must talk to OH, he has to share the load there - easy for me to say! Red letters are not the time to start sorting as the others have said. Go to the CAB if you can, they have advisors on everything under the sun, I'm sure they would be able to help.

 

Do you have a close friend/family member who could look after the small ones for a day so you could "disappear" for you? Even if it means driving to a quiet place with a book & a pillow for a snooze - after you've been to the doc to sort that nasty old throat out.

 

Another small point - if you are a housework fiend - a house is not a home until you can write "I love you" in the dust!! (a friend had apologised for the fact her tiny shelf in the hall had a layer of dust on it - I hadn't noticed! My DD proceeded to write "I love you" in it!! She appreciated the sentiment....!)

 

We all love your cheery posts & the thought that you aren't well & happy at the mo, really hurts - as can be seen by all the posts above (and no doubt below too in a while!) this rather waffly one!

 

Just wish I could do ANH's hug icon ((((((big hugs)))))) will have to suffice!!

 

Sha x

[LisaP]

Mrs B, you wallow and rant all you want, I've done enough of that myself on here over the last few months

 

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time and I hope things turn around for you soon.

 

I sympathise fully - until 2 years ago I had 9 years without a full nights sleep, thanks to no 3 child (he is autistic) and we are broke too OH was made redundant 14 months ago and although he has had contract work, that has dried up now and we now have no income

 

So, many many hugs coming your way and thinking of you

 

Lisa P

[poachedegg]

Hope things are feeling a little better for you this morning............. can't really add to others great suggestions, however you can never have too many hugs.......so some more on their way to you........

[Looney]

Sending you (((hugs))) too Mrs B

 

Sometimes you have to hit a certain point before you really, really come to the conclusion that something has to change. You are a wonderful mum, you have beautiful and happy children (spied their pic on a different thread ), you keep the family going and hold down what sounds to be a very hard job. You are doing a fantastic job but if you can't keep it up and it is making you feel down then you have to change something before you get to breaking point as then you won't be any good to anyone, least of all yourself.

 

I know what you mean about feeling every now and again like you want to be the sort of woman that men feel compelled to help - although I'm sure that would drive you potty! It took me having a complete tantrum, scream, cry etc etc before OH got the message that I needed a bit more help and support (including emotional). The response was "why didn't you say something sooner" even though I had been stating for ages I was absolutely worn out and kept asking him to help out more. Unfortunately he saw the things I was asking him to do as a one-off rather than a this-is-your-job-now He also said that as I just tend to get on with things he hadn't noticed I was so worn down. My response was a much ruder version of "have you gone blind"!!

 

Worrying about money is dreadful, and the fact that the news is full of doom and gloom at the moment really doesn't help things. You will manage, somehow, but as others have said it is important that you all manage together and it isn't just you on your own.

 

Lots of good advice from others on here. Please, please, please remember to look after yourself as well as everyone else. Hope you are feeling a bit better today and your son is over the worst of his sickness.

 

Thinking of you x

[Seagazer]

Sorry just caught up on this. I hope you managed some sleep Mrs B. I was going to suggest that your son went in with your husband and you slept in his bedroom but knowing my kids they would have just gone and looked for me.

 

I think when you have money worries everything else that is going wrong in life seems so much worse, we have been there.

 

I think you should definitely get yourself sorted out first as if you are not well the family is obviously not going to be a happy one. You need to take care of yourself so that you can take care of the family.

 

I think your OH should definitely pull his weight a bit more though. My OH always suffered with "deaf ear" at night times. A good swift kick to his back and he soon got up.

 

Sending you big hugs.

[Rhapsody]

Oh dear so sorry Mrs B. When you are sleep deprived it is impossible to see the wood for the trees, and I speak as someone who went A Bit Mental when my kids were tiny. No mysterious hormonal voodo, I was just beyond exhausted. Eventually I handed my then 1 year-old to my husband and said "train him to sleep or I will chuck him out of the window" I hadnt slept a night in 3 years since eldest was born (paltry compared to you I know) and wanted to weep all day long, every day.

OH took him and his cot to the spare room that night and spent 2 weeks teaching him to sleep through, it saved our marriage and my sanity.

Hope you dont think I'm being blunt, but a 3 year-old is perfectly capable of sleeping through the night, and for you that sleep it is as basic a human requirement as food and water. Get your OH involved and you may well find a bit of short-term Blue Murder from your son will pay long-term dividends.

I'm sure everything else would seem so much easier to cope with on rested shoulders.

 

Rhapsody xxxxxxxxxxx ((((((((((()))))))))))))