Chookiehen Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 Me 'n' chookiehubbie are on the verge of spliiting up - to cut a long story short, he has been off work for the last few months with stress-related problems, and the increased time together, along with the pressures of having the children to worry about as well, things haven't been great. He's now back at work, but stropped out this morning, rather petulantly claiming that he was going to hand in his notice, his mother would make sure that he was fed, and he didn't give a stuff about whether his children were fed, cause as long as he was alright, then that was fine. I simply cannot take it any more, so am preparing myself for a split. I've trawled the internet all morning, and simply cannot find anything useful,and simple that tells me if I am entitled to benefits (everything seems to be dependant on savings & income and as I have neither of either, I assume I'd be entitled to something), but more importantly, I cannot find anything that tells me if I can throw him out, even though the mortgage is paid solely by him (in joint names, but I have no income). Even then, he would most likely insist on the house being sold, and I couldn't possibly get a new mortgage. I have an appointment with a solicitor, but the earliest they could give me in 3 weeks away, and short of making myself & my children homeless by me leaving him, I am stuck in limbo just now. I just want to get back to a peaceful life for my children - it's not fair on them to be subjected to all the nonsense their father is continuing to put them through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chook n Boo Mum Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 Shona, PM Becky Boo, she's been through all this in the past few months & would no doubt have loads of advice as to where & who to contact. Good luck, we're here as a collective shoulder & sympathetic ear should you need it. Sha x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joojoo Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 Hi Shona I'm so sorry to hear your news. I just wanted to wish you all the very best at a very difficult time for you. I've been through something similar a few years ago now, but can't help you re benefits etc as I was in full time employment so not entitled to anything. Have you tried Citizen's Advice or the Money Savings Expert website? The latter has a fantastic forum and I'm sure if you posted on there someone would be able to tell you what you would be entitled to. Lots of Love xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 I hope that you get everything sorted out. Sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time. I think that Beckyboo would be a good source of info and support too, she seems to have come out the other side with her home and pride intact. We are all here to listen to a rant anytime you feel the need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparkysmum Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 Shona, I'm sorry this is happening to you right now, it is exhausting & draining. Would it be worth a chat with Relate or similar before you see a solicitor, just in case you can sort things out?. The CAB are good at benefits entitlement, as are any welfare rights organisation. Thinking of you. Allisonx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ubereglu Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 I'm so sorry to hear this Shona, all I can do is hope and pray for you that things work out ok. (((((((((((Big Hugs)))))))))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purple hen Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 I'm very sorry to hear about the awful time you are having, my thoughts are with you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missuscluck Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 Oh Shona hunny Im sorry things arnt going so well. Its very scary thinking of going it alone. The above advice is all good. There are lots of places to go for good advice. My best friend did the same about 2 years ago and she has now got her own home a new man and is happyer now than she was whilst married. Its not been easy and she has been through the mill and her X still gives her grief on occasion but she is her own person without the fear of his unpredictable moods affecting her and her son and is getting on with her life. All the best of luck with whatever you decide and you can always come on here for support and big virtual hugsxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlo Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 I am afraid that I can't add any advice to the good stuff already on here but just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and hope that things don't get too awful for you and your children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earthmam1 Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 Hi Shona Get yourself along to the citizens advice .I think I am right in saying if you have children in school he cannot get you chucked out, but you do need expert advice. It does sound like he has stress problems and maybe a visit to the GP is in order although like most men that may be a problem. Sending you lots of hugs and best wishes sue meant to say a further visit to the GP is in order. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 Hi Shona, I'm so sorry you are having a rough time at the moment. I'd like to suggest you see someone together at Relate or through the doctors. Being made redundant can be so stressfull for both parties (happened to OH twice). My OH was the only wage earner as well and it can really affect some men deeply as its the "hunter/gatherer" thing coming out. I know mine felt a failure for a while. Is this normal behaviour for your OH or completely out of character? If you don't think Relate etc can help then as others have said CAB would be a good place to start. I'm sending you lots of ((((hugs)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 Shona, I'm so sorry to read your post . I was going to suggest the CAB too, I'm sure they could tell you right away what your rights are. I hope you manage to get some information quickly - it must be so worrying . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yolky Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 I am sorry to hear you are going through all of this. I have found this site www.entitledto.co.uk brilliant. You put in how much you earn/no of children etc and it tells you how much tax credits ect you are entitled to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shirl Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 Hi Shona Unfortunately you can't kick him out and he can't make you go. When the house is in both names you have to go to court for the court to decide what should happen. In reality the court lets the parent with care stay in the house but if he is serious about giving up work then the house is likely to be repossesed and you would be rehoused by your local authority. Good luck. Times ahead will be tough but look forward to rebuilding your life. It will happen and you will forget how hard it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooks Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 ((huggs)) Shona! xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlottechicken Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 Shona, I am so sorry to read this, I really hope you and chookiehubbie can sort something out. You may find these sites helpful though http://www.direct.gov.uk http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/taxcredits/start/who-qualifies/overview/index.htm I believe you may get child tax credits with no income, and you should look into contacting your local Jobcentreplus with a view to income support (and add ons for children). Try http://www.jobcentreplus.gov.uk for your nearest office, no need to go in nowadays, just pick up the phone. Also, don't forget council tax is 25% off if only one adult in the household. best wishes x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 Shona, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such horrible, unsettling and uncertain times. I don't have any advice to give or suggestions to offer but send you some supportive ((((hugs)))) instead. Take care of yourself and I hope that you and Chookiehubby can work through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 Hi Shona, so sorry to hear that things are so rubbish at home. I know someone that almost sunk completely due to stress and very nearly ruined everything around him. He had no real comprehension of just how severe the knock-on effects were on those around him....he was completely blinkered and could only see how everyone had it in for him and no idea of how he was hurting those closest. Just wanted to send you some big (((hugs))) I hope you manage to find the advice you need from the places that others have already suggested . xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chookiehen Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 Thankyou for all the kind wishes and advice. Things are still in a bit of a limbo. Duncan has been away at P7 camp this week, so we decided that we couldn't really make any major decisions, or moves whilst he was away. Hardly seemed fair to have him come back to a split home, or no dad. Chookiehubbie has agreed to go back to the councilor that he'd been seeing at the beginning of all this, and I guess we take things from there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missuscluck Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Hope things start to improve. (((((((Big hugs))))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theherd123 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Thats a step in the right direction Shona, baby steps will get you both there eventually Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiepoppies Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I really hope you can work things out. Huge hugs Jx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badgerbluebadger Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Thinking of you honey - I can't really add to the great advice which has already been written in the post but just wanted to say your not alone and there are people even on the internet thinking about you! I hope things work out for you and your children - my parents split up when I was three and my mother was super at bringing up my sister and I. You will be super also! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules. Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Sending you my love x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
