3.6m Omlet Chicken Run for sale, Brand New in Boxes, Milton Keynes (MK19)

[bigmommasally]

Okay, feeling very disloyal posting this but really need an unbiased opinion.

 

My DD2 is getting married in 2 and a bit weeks which we are all really happy about. He is a lovely lad and she has been so happy since the day they met.

 

Future Husband is a different religion to us and my DD2 has converted to his religion and has whole heartedly embraced it. Again we are very happy for her and have absolutely no problems with her changing from C of E.

 

Part of their belief is that they don’t drink alcohol or caffeine drinks. And my DD2 and her fiancé want the wedding to be alcohol free. I have no problem with that as I don’t drink much anyway but my DH and some members of my family & friends are not happy about it at all. My DH probably wouldn’t drink on the day anyway but would like to be able to provide alcoholic drinks for those that would like one. DD2 has said that she doesn’t want one half of the party to be drinking and get drunk when her fiancé’s won’t be.

 

DD2 has given way on the caffeine drinks and is allowing tea and coffee but really doesn’t want alcohol.

 

We’re not wealthy people but we have been saving for this day since she was a little girl, we are paying for the whole wedding, so my DH feels this entitles us to get a little of what we would like at her wedding. I also think that he feels bad that some guests might think he is being a cheap skate not serving alcohol. We're also worried that guests won't relax enough without a drink for the evening reception to be a success.

 

I have found some lovely looking alcohol free wines and beers on the internet but DD2 and fiancé don’t really like the idea of them either and would prefer to just serve soft drinks. At the moment we have Sicilian Lemonade for the arrival drinks, some nice M&S soft drinks for the meal. Not sure what we will toast with at this point in time and goodness knows what else we can serve in the evening other than lemonade, coke and juices.

 

I really would like an unbiased opinion on this so over to you my trusted Omleteers.....

[BeckyBoo]

Oh wow, no advice other than to say that yes, you're paying for it which is wonderful, but in my opinion it's their day. Can the rest of the family not look on it as a "different" wedding, a new experience, something a bit of a change from the norm? I think it sounds wonderful, there's far too much emphasis on alcohol today (says she on her third glass of wine this evening!!) and the wedding SHOULD be about DD2 and her man making their vows in front of the people they love, not about everyone getting pickled at your expense afterwards

 

I hope you all have a wonderful day

 

BeckyBoo

[kerryegg]

What a difficult situation. On balance I think I would abide by your daughter's wishes on this very special day and drink to their future happiness on your own later. Hope you sort things out and have a joy filled day.

[Aunty e]

A shame that they don't like the idea of the alcohol-free options, but I can remember my wedding (which was hosted and paid for largely my my in-laws) eight years ago. I'm still angry about some of the things that my MiL felt she had to have her way because she was paying for it (and they weren't big things, stuff like favours and flowers). So honestly, it's her only wedding and I would let her have it her way, it will make her SO happy!

[CatieB]

Sorry but I also agree with all of the above writers.

 

The most important day of her life and if anything wasn't as she wanted, although she would accept the situation it would be remembered forever. Your guests should accept something different as a new experience even if its not their choice.

[scarlettohara]

Allthough it is her day if she is inviting friends and family to celebrate it then I think it should be each to their own. I honestly don't think people will stay long after the meal if there is an alcohol ban. Is she having a disco/dance/band? Some people find it difficult to join in with these things without a couple of drinks and I don't mean roaring drunk Perhaps a smaller wedding with just close family might be more appropriate but I suspect it is too late for that I would expect my sons to consider my feelings if/when they get married after all we give up and do a lot for our children.

[Willow]

Gosh what a difficult one.

 

Remembering my wedding over 20 years ago I wish I'd let my mum have her way on small things like the invite design and I wish I'd stood firm on a big point of principle where we disagreed.

 

I guess one of the problems with insisting on alcohol is if there is a problem as a result the couple will remember that whereas if people leave earlier because there is no drink it will have been due to their decision so you needn't feel bad. I'm inclined to go with the view it's their wedding (and maybe they should contribute if they want it their way)

 

I can't see their problem with the alcohol free wines and beers though.

[Redwing]

It seems like your DD having converted makes it far less 'real' for your DH

 

Would he feel differently if it was a friends daughter who was born in to that religion?

 

Your DD isnt 'having a bash' at a new religion she has made it her way of life and I dont think you really have an option but to honour her wishes at her wedding

[mostin]

I have to say that my mother made a comment about the fact that she should get certain things her way as she was paying and OH almost cancelled the honeymoon just so we could write her a cheque and tell her to "shove it". I can honestly say, I have never really forgiven her for that comment and it still stings.

 

I know this is not what you want to hear probably, and you may be paying, but that's your gift to her, and what she obviously wants is her new religion to be followed closely on her wedding day. To a lot of people these days, a wedding is just a day to show off cash and get drunk, but to your daughter this is clearly very much about the religious ceremony and her beliefs. It will be very different from the weddings you are used to, but it's what she wants and believes in now.

[Snowy]

I do agree with what has been posted so far, it is her day and I feel that her request should be honoured.

But please don't think that lack of alcohol will spoil the day! As a Christian, some of my friends drink and some don't. I've been to some fantastic parties and weddings that have been completely alcohol free. Everyone had a great time, the only difference was that there was no alcohol fuelled nastiness at any time!

[Space Chick]

It's their big day. End of. They want no alcohol, it should be no alcohol

[patsylabrador]

This is how I see it, having a drink at momentous times is a tradition that's very strong and quite ancient amongst various cultures and doesn't always lead to drunken behaviour - Weddings, seeing the happy couple off, wetting the baby's head, the good old funeral party, birthdays, saying goodbye, all sorts of things are certainly part of my culture that involve having a drink.

Your daughter has made enormous compromises to make her life work and I think some compromise from her fiance and his family would be fitting.

So if it was me I would organise a second, lesser, celebration to which everyone is invited and at which my traditions could be observed. Your daughter could have the wedding she wishes on the actual day but then her friends and relatives and your nice husband who wants to do the right thing, according to his traditions, can see them off properly.

A proper toast is surprisingly important, especially amongst the older generation, it's not just about the alcohol, it's symbolic, a sort of communal good luck wish.

[Egluntyne]

I agree with all that has been said too. It is the Bride and Groom's day. If they don't want alcohol, children, Great Aunt Winifred or miserable cousin Geoff at their wedding, then so be it, especially as your daughter has made the ultimate commitment of converting to a new religion and embracing all that this involves.

 

I'm sure you will have a wonderful day.

 

Think how much you will save!

[Jules.]

Please accept your daughter's wishes over this, & don't worry about it any longer

I've been to fantastic New Years parties held in the church hall which have been so much fun I've laughed till it hurts. I've also been to other alcohol parties where it's been good, but also to others where it's not

 

Like Snowy I also know Evangelical Christians who drink, & those who wouldn't dream of drinking. People interpret the Bible when it comes to alcohol differently. However what it does say about lifestyle choices is that whatever you do participate in that it shouldn't be an obstacle to others in their own Christian lives.

I myself hardly drink, but do enjoy a glass of wine or a small Baileys every now & then.

 

Has your daughter planned activities for the evening? Organised games go down a storm, & help to get everyone involved.

I think you'll be pleasantly surprised to find the whole "fun" atmosphere at the wedding quite different to any wedding you've been to before

 

I wish you all a wonderful day x

[DebC]

It's their day - it should be their choice. I'm affraid there is far too much emphasis on alcohol these days. I suspect that is says a lot about those family and friends you are concerned there is no alcohol!

 

Enjoy the day. At least everyone will remember the day and there will be no hangovers!

[Clur]

Yikes, what a conundrum. Years ago we went to a Mormon wedding and there was no alcohol or tea and coffee. The reception was very flat and over by 7.30pm.

 

I think this was more to do with the fact the bride's family insisted on people coming to the wedding that the couple didn't know (church elders shipped in from Utah), so atmosphere was very strange and a bit strained. They didn't have a disco either so people couldn't let their hair down. Don't think this is typical of Mormon weddings and this one - as the couple themselves would admit - was a bit of a farce from start to finish (deaf vicar, her mum & friend singing a duet at the signing of the register despite both being tone-deaf, the best man losing so much weight he was swamped in his top hat and tails and looked like Jiminy Cricket...!)

 

If your daughter's surrounded by people she knows and loves, I don't think the atmosphere will be dampened through lack of alcohol (though leave out tea and coffee it might have been!). Have you thought about spending the money you would have spent on booze, on 'virgin' cocktails? I don't drink much and on work nights out have been blown away by non-alcoholic mohitos and the like. That was you get something special and a little more unusual to share with your guests, and it's more exciting than the usual soft drinks.

 

Your daughter will remember how you supported her wishes on her big day, and your extended family will remember the efforts made to make sure they had a good time too

[meezers]

I agree with all that have posted so far. I know a couple who don't drink alcohol and they were recently invited to an alcohol free wedding ( it said so on the invite ).Knowing them, I didn't think it strange at all. I would look up some recipes for alcohol free cocktails, we were on holiday in Mexico in april and the resort we stayed at served the same cocktails to the kids as the adults- just minus the alcohol, and they looked and tasted fantastic, infact I had to taste them several times to make sure I had the right drink

[C&T]

It's the people that will make the wedding - not the alcohol.

 

I am sure it will be a fantastic day! And while it may seem strange to you now, don't get too hung up about the lack of alcohol. The fiance's family/friends will be used to celebrating and dancing etc without the aid of alcohol, and with them leading the way, I am sure the rest will follow.

 

I love the idea of mocktails for the evening - something different but respecting your daughters and fiances wishes!

 

I am sure you will have an amazing time. Hope you have a wonderful day, and wish your daughter and fiance a long and happy marriage!

 

(PS - I don't get non-alcoholic wine/beer either. But then I also don't get vegetarian sausages!!)

[craftyhunnypie]

To be honest, as much as I like a glass of wine - I don't need it to have a good time. I had a traditional Hindu wedding & they don't drink alcohol either - but we did have champagne etc.

I would respect her wishes & the guests should too, afterall they will be getting a nice free meal! It's her day & it has to be everything she wants - so go with the flow. If people want a drink, they will have to sneak their own in their handbag!

You could do with having a juice bar type of thing, with nice fancy smoothies too. Mmmm I wouldn't say no! Milkshakes could be nice too. Elderflower cordial is refreshing too.

Good luck & enjoy the day!

 

Emma.x

[bigmommasally]

Gosh so many replies already! Don't think I have ever posted such a "popular" thread before I really do appreciate you all taking the time to give your thoughts on the subject and it has been useful to read them out to DH and help him put things in perspective.

 

I think the problem with a few family members and friends is that alcohol is fairly central to their way of celebrating and they are going to find it fairly alien to do so without. However as C&T has said the groom's side will be used to celebrating without alcohol and there are more of them than brides family at the wedding so hopefully they will be up dancing and leading the way.

 

A juice bar and mocktails for the evening seems like a nice idea will have to look into that and see what we can come up with at such short notice.

 

Thanks again for your replies, and keep coming with the ideas for alcohol free drinks.

[chelsea]

Oh dear what a dilema.

 

I can see it from both sides to be honest. It is your DD's day and it should be special and sacred to them . But you are paying for it and I think a little compromise should go your way really, so I can see it from your hubby's point of view. I think your DD & her future husband should consider your feelings seeing as you are footing the bill. I don't mean an out and out party as such with flowing alcohol, but a few bottles of wine dotted around or even bucks fizz! might keep the drinkers happy.

[Seagazer]

We've had a split decision in this house when I broached this with OH.

 

I think that its your DD's day and it should be as she wants it to be. I'm celebrating my 25th next month and I still remember the fact that I couldn't have things how I wanted them at 'my' wedding because my mum and dad wanted them differently and they were paying.

 

OH thinks that there should be alcohol as it should be fair to both sides. But his suggestion was no alcohol at the meal just at the evening 'do'.

 

I must admit I would think it a bit strange not to have a glass of champagne to toast the happy couple.

[Janty]

I can also see both sides of this.

 

When I got married I banned children and smoking. I can't abide badly behaved children and my in-laws have milions of the little things and I hate smoking above anything and everything (Mum was a heavy smoker and I think that this probably did the trick).

 

I married an ex-mormon and his family had no problem with the alcohol. They just didn't drink it if they chose not to. It just seemed that we could compromise on the issue. However, hubby and I paid for the wedding in full so we had what we wanted and that was that. Also, by the time we got together hubby was no longer attending church and wasn't practicing.

 

 

If I were a vegetarian I wouldn't have inflicted my eating habits on all of the guests.

[Valkyrie]

Well it sounds very much like the Latter Day Saints to me, not to worry, my daughter has just chosen that path and now baptised into the faith (I didn't attend because I don't "do" church unless it's for something like a wedding). They are indeed lovely people and I enjoy their company - they also are pretty open minded and accept the way other people choose to live. But I think if I were in your shoes I would respect the wishes of your DD and her fiancé and not have alcohol at the wedding. My own wedding was based on what our families wanted and I have regretted it ever since. If people get drunk she will be mortified - and it will prove her point - why would your husband want to risk upsetting her? He should be putting her first not the rest of the family. As your daughter and her OH have already compromised with tea and coffee it seems that to rail-road them into having alcohol is pretty unfair. Not everyone likes champagne anyway, and a lot of people nowadays don't drink. I don't like champagne - what about lemonade/7up for bubbles to toast with? I just don't see why there's a problem.

 

But there is nothing to stop you having a continuation the following day with yours and your DH's family if they really want a knees up. Or, alternatively, have your own version of a family stag/hen night beforehand.

 

You can get very nice cocktails - non alcoholic and quite colourful - that sounds a really nice idea. Um, something to bear in mind for something that will be happening to us sometime in the future! And I like my rum and my coffee - sometimes both at the same time!

 

Just a thought - perhaps The Osmonds should be played for a good partay - Crazy Horses is not dull at all!

[WitchHazel]

I would go with your daughters wishes, and (as I think I read in a post earlier) mention on the invitations. That way, expectations will be managed, and people will realise that it's not a "cheapskate" thing.

 

The idea of "mocktails" and smoothies sounds great - and I think you could make a feature of it.

 

I did a quick google and found this:

http://www.haremnights.co.uk/energy_bar.htm

 

I'm not suggesting you use these people (I have no idea who they are, they just came up on my search), but it shows there are people out there who provide what seems like a really interesting "mocktails" service".

 

Good luck!

Hazel