Omletina Kyckling Posted May 11, 2011 Author Share Posted May 11, 2011 Thank you all for your lovely words of support, they mean a lot. We haven't stopped for the past 24 hours. Mum has been much more affected than I thought, to say she's devastated would be an understatement....she's always been the sensible, level headed one who doesn't show emotion whereas me and dad are (oh lord I have to say was now) blubbermonkies!! We'd cry at music, tv, beautiful scenery etc. Mum is so upset, she says she feels like she has been hit by a bus, she actually has physical pain. They'd been married for 49 years and 9 months, and were the best of friends. They'd never raised voices at each other or had an argument in all that time. He drove her around the bend, as some of you know, but deep down she adored him. It broke my heart watching her at the hospital, just stroking his hair and crying. She cut two locks of his hair, which was still golden, even though he was 81 and when he died, tears came out of his eyes, so mum wiped them with a handkerchief which she wants me to get embroidered with his name and the date (any good embroiderers out there?) I already miss him so much. Want to go over and do the Telegraph crossword with him (which we used to always do together, he'd sometimes ring me up for clues). Everywhere in the house there are reminders, his slippers by the bed, his tablets laid out on a saucer to take on Monday, he used to lay out their coffee cups each evening so that mum would get up early and make them both a coffee which they'd have in bed (dad used to make it but by the time mum got it, there was only half a cup as he'd spell the rest, to which she'd say "two soups") I've been the strong one today, on the surface, phoning up various people, cancelling their anniversary cruise, speaking to relatives etc. I stayed at their house the past two evenings, on a camp bed as their spare room is an office, but mum insisted I came home tonight to be with my cats and get a good night's sleep as she says she has to start getting used to being on her own soon. I'm so glad that we put our foot down with the hospital. They wanted to keep dad going on the various machines, and were treating a possible infection even though he was gone, eyes fully dilated and not responding to anything. We said we wanted it all removing. They said that if dad did recover, he'd be severely disabled in a nursing home, and asked if he'd prefer that or death and me and mum said in unison "death" - they'd made a pact years ago and only repeated it a few weeks ago that if any of them were in a state where they would be alive but not really living, that the other would put a stop to it, so that's what we did. Dad would have hated to be trapped inside a body like that, and the chances are his brain was affected too. My last visual memory of him was standing at their gate on Saturday night, waving me and mum off when we went to a gig in York. I don't count the sight of him in the hospital, that old man wasn't my dad. I miss him so much. Gonna stop now as getting upset. Thanks a lot folks xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chick wiggle Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 Oh Diane hunni, i wish i could be there to put my arms round you. Tears are streaming down my face now, your post is so moving and just shows how much love there is in your family. Whilst been strong for your mum is good love, dont forget to look after yourself. Give your mum my love too. {{big hugs}} XXX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyBoo Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 Diane, I don't have the words so I'm just going to send you and your Mum my love. He sounds like a wonderful chap, wishing you strength for the days and weeks ahead and memories to keep you warm and make you smile BeckyBoo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couperwife Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 oh my darling, a million hugs from me and kev to you and mum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 What a lovely post - you'll always have your wonderful memories Diane. Thinking of you through this difficult time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j00lz_12366 Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 Theres absolutely nothing I can say that will help, the only thing that will is time, for both you and your mum. I'm a year on and sometimes I still forget..it is easier than it was tho Please get in touch of theres anything I can do-I'm off work on Friday afternoon this week if it'd help I could pop over..don't worry about replying, just try to rest and remember all the many happy memories you have take care, x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlo Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 So sorry to hear about your dad. Remember the good times and the way that he was. It will be so hard for a long time and, even when you think that your grieving is over, something will just hit you hard. It is natural when a loved one has gone. My thoughts are with you and especially with your mum. My mum also said that she had physical pain when my dad died. She said that she knew that heartache was real at that time. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackrocksrock Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 Oh I am so sorry to read this - I lost my dad when I was 15 years old - I really regretted that he did not see my kids born and grow up like my mum did - I am thinking of you tonight - take care of you and your mum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJuff Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 Thinking of you and your family. take care. x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowberry Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 I'm so sorry to hear of your news; he sounds like he was a truely lovely man & I feel so much for you, your mum and family; take time to grieve and look after yourselves. The memories of him will last forever. x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reikiranf Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 So sorry to hear this, my heart goes out to you and your Mum, just take things one day at a time, only do what you feel like doing & accept all offers of help. I lost both of my parents suddenly & unexpectedly within the first two months of last year and a book from Amazon called I wasn't ready to say goodbye was quite comforting in the early days when I felt like I was swimming thought treacle, even though I often had to read the same page over and over again as sometimes the words just wouldn't register. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keyhole kate Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 I am so very sorry to hear of your loss Big Hugs for you and your mum XxxX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaP Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 I am so sorry, my thoughts are with you. Lisa P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarlettohara Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 Sorry to hear your sad news - hugs to you and your Mum xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Rhode Island Red Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 Sorry to hear that My thoughts are with you Mr Rhode Island red Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omletina Kyckling Posted May 13, 2011 Author Share Posted May 13, 2011 I had a lovely laugh yesterday....mum told me that when I was on Look North on Easter Sunday with my hens, dad watched it, didn't say much then said in his lovely Yorkshire accent "well, she came over quite well......but you don't think she's turning eccentric with her clothes?".......so funny and so dad.....wish she'd told me before as I'd have started turning up in silly hats with daisies sticking out of them to prove him right! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Ahh that's lovely. Its wonderful that you have so many lovely memories of your Dad. He sounded like he was a great character. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chick wiggle Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Eccentric hunni? you? us? ........... nahhhhh (we sooooo need a hug smilie ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stehaggan Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Thoughts are with you omletina x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sageandonion Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 So sorry Omletina, thinking of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HENthusiastic Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 Diane, me and Karina are so sorry for your tragic loss. I'm sorry we have only just found this thread. Thinking of you and hoping you are getting lots of support and nurturing at this difficult time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omletina Kyckling Posted May 18, 2011 Author Share Posted May 18, 2011 Well after a week when I've not stopped to even catch my breath, tomorrow is dad's funeral. I'm dreading it. Think I'm in denial as I've been so busy and I don't really understand who's in the coffin tomorrow....first time it hit me was yesterday when the draft order of service came through and dad's face was on the cover with his date of birth and date of death. Don't know how I'm going to get through tomorrow, to be honest. Exhausted, and tearing around with other things (broody hen who I've just put in a broody cage suspended in the run) plus my lovely new kittens. Think I'll fall into bed around midnight at this rate! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jools Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 That's when I went to pieces. It's the finality of it all, which is what it's all about really, saying goodbye, starting to grieve. I'm sending you lots and lots of hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j00lz_12366 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 There's no way round it,tomorrow will be hard but it gives you that chance to saygoodbye. Also to be able to share lots of memories with other people who knew and loved your dad. I will be thinking of you and your mum tomorrow, remember to look after yourself..take time to remember all the happy times, hope to see you soon,x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chick wiggle Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 I'll be thinking of you tomorrow too hun, sending you and your mum all my love and huge hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
