Omlet Smart Autodoor - New in box

[j00lz_12366]

My partner has for many years-pre me-taken his mum and aunt out for lunch on a Sunday, then they go shopping, his brother also goes-brother is single. I haven real problem with this but find I am expected to go too. Again, i don't mind....but every weeks a bit much for me to be honest-I'm not from a close family and sometimes find it too much but he's so good with my daughter I don't want to be mean and not reciprocate...any ideas? I've lots I could bedoing if I didn't go- not even started next weeks planning! I though if I go every other week maybe that could be a compromise...

[Looney]

We rarely see OHs family as they live so far away.

 

If your OH is still seeing his mum then I wouldn't think it would be a problem if you didn't go every time. it's not as though you are saying that he can't go. Obviously I don't know what their personalities are like, they might think differently!

[Mercedes55]

Oh that is a tough one isn't it. I think it shows that your partner is a caring person that he takes his mum and aunt out every Sunday though, which is a good sign for the future, however he now has you and he should be making steps to make sure that you spend your weekends in a way that is good for both of you as weekends are very precious and fly by so quickly.

 

I would think you'd have to tread very carefully here so as not to hurt his mum's feelings but by the same token I don't see why you have to go every week if you have other things to do. My son comes to visit us every Sunday, but only for about 2hrs and his wife and our granddaughter come along too. There are some weekends when our daughter in law can't make it and we don't mind at all, but my attitude with my son is that he's an adult and it's his life and his relationship with his wife has to come before me. Unfortunately not all mothers are the same and I think you need to make sure she is the kind of mother who wouldn't take offence before you change things.

[Cinnamon]

Oh that is a tough one isn't it. I think it shows that your partner is a caring person that he takes his mum and aunt out every Sunday though, which is a good sign for the future, however he now has you and he should be making steps to make sure that you spend your weekends in a way that is good for both of you as weekends are very precious and fly by so quickly.

 

 

 

I agree.

This would be too much for me too - how about suggesting once a month from now on,so you have more 'you' time?

 

I see mine maybe once a year,& they only live 10 minutes away....I find this quite sufficient

[craftyhunnypie]

I saw mine about once or twice a month. They were appreciative of that & it was enough on both sides. They were lovely & sadly no longer with us. My hubby doesn't see his inlaws my parents) very often now we have moved, but we used to see them at least once or twice a week. I'm from a very close family & hubby loves my family. They'd come to us more often than us visit them - or we would go out for meals or days out. We do miss that.

Emma.x

[Space Chick]

My in laws live less than 5 minutes walk away.

 

When the dog was alive we saw them every day, as they used to have him when we were in work. Since we lost Henry in July (aged 16), I would say there are twice weekly visits although not always with me.

 

OH will always go down for a couple of hours on a Sunday, and then we will tend to call in on a Weds/Thurs with anything they need and with a box of eggs. Sometimes we stay 10 minutes, other times it may be an hour or so.

 

I rarely go down on the Sunday visit, I think it's important OH has time alone with his parents, although I do tend to go on the midweek visit as we go straight from work (we commute together).

 

I'm lucky in that I get on great with my inlaws, I lost my own parents at around the time OH and I got together (I was only in my mid 20s), so his parents kind of adopted me They have been wonderful and I feel very blessed they live so close.

 

However, I do know I am one of the lucky ones... Some of my friends have less than civil relationships with their inlaws

[j00lz_12366]

Hmm..it's hard isn't it...I'd agree it does show how caring he is and it's a huge part of why I love him...but..it's too much for me-add to that he always goes to his best friends on a Saturday we don't really have quality time at the weekend. He has just had to take on additional responsibility at work so his time in the evenings is pretty busy too-we've had a 'talk' this week when I pretty much lost it with him and he's come up with a planto give us more time during the week where he takes time off from work til 9.30-10pm when I'm heading to bed

We will have to see how that works..

I have suggested that we go away once every halfterm just for a night to give us a break from everything but it's not possible just yet..

Just interested in how others deal with this sort of thing

[Angie]

I have seen mine twice in 28 yrs.....they emigrated to NZ in the 70's ,leaving their children behind... They were all out in the world the three boys in the forces and daughter married, FIL was made redundant and the NZ power company offered him a job and he took it.

WE email often, long long letters having never had them around i have nothing negative to say except they have missed so much of family life and i think that is sad.

[patsylabrador]

Not very often, don't see my out-laws very often either. No issues, all very nice people, I keep in touch, I just prefer to be on the outside edge.

I've taken to visiting parents a bit more to take them for pub lunches which is always fun but they live a couple of hours away, especially if the A303 is up to its old tricks. I chat on the phone to mum every Sunday morning and we usually have a good old rant about something she's read in the Mail.

I avoid family get-togethers if it is at all possible to do so without being rude. Not always easy.

[j00lz_12366]

i've not gone today, told him i was just going to potter-ive got the chickens to sort-now done and I've all my planning to do for work..i'd rather get it done now than have it to do later

 

I think i have a problem with it-not a huge one, but still it niggles because its something he 'has' to do, his bro went off last summer for 6 weeks around the world so we had to do every sunday...and since then his brother has been away again-good for him..but i struggle to get my partner to miss a week-his mum has even said what a good idea it is for us to have a weekend away every couple of months..thing is his mum is very up and down and can be very sulky-as often older people can be-for example last new year she pretty much demanded we went for a lunch on new years day-'thats what we always do' and then also wanted us to go out the next day because it was sunday 'and we ALWAYS go out on a sunday!'...at this point I kept very quiet and didnt get involved-however my partner did tell her there was no way we were doing 2 days running..and stuck to it

 

anyway..i'm rambling now, thanks for listening!

[Guest]

I'm divorced - so I divorced my in laws too nuff said!

 

But

 

My new partners mum lives nearby and when I first met him he would go home for sunday lunch every week and I would be left out. As I am veggie I didn't mind. With time it has tailed off and he stays here most sundays now. The bigger problem I have is with his children (grown up) tugging for attention all the time. It's worse than little kids! It's almost like they want to prove that they love him more than me or something! I find it annoying and infantile - after a discussion he now knows it annoys me and doesn't jump to their every tune any more.

 

Always a minefield!

 

I would stick to your guns and not go all the time as it is just helping her fix this arrangement in stone. If your husband goes every week there's not a lot you can do about it. Why not book a weekend break for the two of you and maybe then he will see that the world will not stop if he doesn't take them shopping!

[PurpleTree]

My in-laws live in Yorkshire, so we don't see them very often at all. When we do it's for a week at a time & we've been on holidays with them. Luckily we all get on well.

 

On the other hand we live 5 minutes from my parents, so see them quite regularly. I usually see them a few times throughout the week during the day (I'm a stay at home mum & my dad's retired, mum works part-time). Hubby though can go weeks at time without seeing them unless we arrange something. We rarely see them on a weekend unless they're babysitting for us or we go round for a specific reason eg hubby to sort out their computer.

 

I don't think I would like to be tied every single week to doing something. I like to be able to get up in the morning, think 'oh it's a lovely day, let's go somewhere'. It is difficult to try and change something that has been going on for some time though. Good luck

[sage]

once every 2 to 3 weeks for about 6 hours at a time (they live about an hour away) so we try to take it in turns with traveling. MiL is fine the Fil is a different matter.

 

sage

[Shirl]

The inlaws live about a 20 minute drive away. We saw them in April at a wedding and then they came over yesterday and stayed 3 hours. For the children's sakes I wish they visited more often, especially because they make more of an effort with their other grandchildren. 3 hours every 6 months isn't much.

[chickencam]

I see mine every 3months or so, but sometimes with longer or shorter gaps between. They live about 3 1/2 hours away and they don't travel, neither do my parents who live a similar distance away and about 45 minutes away from inlaws.

 

I get on very well with my inlaws particularly my MIL she sees me as an ally(sp) and we have a good laugh together. We are in regular phone contact and when we do see them we stay in easy reach of both sets of parents so that we can spend some decent lengths of time with them during the week that we are there. We do flying visits from time to time without staying over, but we have found that too tiring recently, although now ED can drive we might do it again because she can share the driving.

[Yorkshire Pudding]

I only see MIL once a year when the whole of OHs family has a Christmas get together. OH phones her every other Sunday - it is about a 2 & a half hour drive to visit and no-one can offer us a bed to stay over. There are no problems, we get on fine, it's just difficult to get a weekend spare & as time has passed and our kids have got older she is less willing to make the journey to visit us although she is welcome. We've invited her for the last few Christmases and she has politely refused and spent it with OHs sister who lives closer and whose children are much younger. I would like our boys to see her more often, but they find her a bit critical of them and not comfortable to be around so I don't push for more contact.

 

My parents live 200 yards from us and help us by looking after our boys after school twice a week so I see them at least that often. OH & dad are great buddies and often go for a pint together on a Sunday night. I don't think he has a problem with them being so close- my family are closer than his and have included him in that from day one. It took me much longer to feel part of his family but again I just accepted that. Once in a while OH rolls his eyes when Mum has called me again about the same problem she had an hour ago, but that's as bad as it gets!

[Alis girls]

Never - they are dead. MIL died long before I came along and FIL about 12 years ago

[Griffin]

My FIL lives with us and is on his last legs. I certainly will not miss him when he's gone, he's tried his hardest to be as rude, argumentative, spiteful and difficult as possible since we moved here seven years ago. Thankfully it's a large house, I've not spoken to him for years and I never see him. He's practically bed bound now too so avoiding him is easier than ever He's determined to make Mr Griffins life a misery for whatever time he has left

 

I choose not to surround myself with liars, two-face people or people who like to cause trouble so I haven't seen MIL or her mother for years either Mr Griffin wishes I'd grin and bear it to see them from time to time but I can't. He prefers to stick his head in the sand and forget how horrible they've been to us so he does see them quite often.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

We see mine every couple of months. Although they only live an hour away, finding weekends free to visit can be tricky. MIL phones a couple of times a week though.

 

To be honest, I see her as more of a mum to me (and grandma to my boys) than my own mum who lives a mile way but hasn't spoken to any of us in nearly 2 years.

[Purplemaniacs]

I used to see my MIL and FIL twice a week, she had MS and I helped to care for her. They lived about half an hour away. Saw less of my mum and dad they were an hour and half away but always spoke to my mum on the phone twice a week, Wednesday and Saturday, they were long calls .

 

Sadly none of them are around now.

 

It is difficult with family and in laws, we were lucky both of our sets of parents got on which helped at Christmas and other times.

 

When MIL went into a home we then felt pressurised to visit each week, which was a pain and with DD and DS I think it was a mistake, I think it affected my DD badly as she watched her Nan deteriorate.

 

Perhaps you could suggest that every other week OH and his Mum has some special time just the two of them together, leaving you to have some you time.

 

Chrissie

[Mercedes55]

Hmm..it's hard isn't it...I'd agree it does show how caring he is and it's a huge part of why I love him...but..it's too much for me-add to that he always goes to his best friends on a Saturday we don't really have quality time at the weekend. He has just had to take on additional responsibility at work so his time in the evenings is pretty busy too-we've had a 'talk' this week when I pretty much lost it with him and he's come up with a planto give us more time during the week where he takes time off from work til 9.30-10pm when I'm heading to bed

We will have to see how that works..

I have suggested that we go away once every halfterm just for a night to give us a break from everything but it's not possible just yet..

Just interested in how others deal with this sort of thing

 

Having read that it does seem like you don't have much quality time together at all if he sees friends on Saturday, his mum on a Sunday and works late in the week too. Where is your time alone together? It sounds from that, least to me anyway, that you are the person fitting in around all the stuff he does when it should be his friends and his mum fitting in around the life he now has with you. I don't know how old you and your OH are or how long you have been together, but maybe he needs to realise that when in a committed relationship your partner should come first. I am frequently acting as mediator with my son and his wife as my son, given the chance, will spend time with his friends that should be spent with his family and most of the time he just doesn't realise. I put it down to him being male and a bit clueless

[majuka]

Difficult one, I have many friends who have been in the same situation and found it suffocating so I can really sympathise.

 

My in laws live almost 200 miles from us and I barely see them. I last saw them briefly at our wedding reception last year, before that - I can't really remember - maybe 3 years ago or so on my OH's 30 th? My OH works in their area fairly often so he sees them maybe once a month or so. I would be single if I had to see them once a week

[Lavenders_Blue]

I see my in laws around once a month to once every two months. I like and get on well enough with both MIL and FIL and am quite happy to see and spend time with them (although the rest of hubby's extended family I could quite happily not see again). However, they are not really that interested in DH, which I think is really quite sad. They see a lot of DH's sister, partly because they like to see their grandchildren which is fair enough, but also because she seems to be favourite. Weeks and weeks can go by sometimes without DH so much as speaking to his parents on the phone, he doesn't seem to think about calling them either...

On the other hand we see quite a lot of my parents, and thankfully DH is quite happy with this. They regularly invite us over for Sunday lunches, BBQs etc. I also see my Mum and Dad once a week or so by myself as I don't like to force too many visits to the inlaws on hubby!

[Happy chickens!]

It sounds like your problem isn't so much about the inlaws, but about how much time you get to spend with OH and how he prioritises this. Perhaps if he likes set times to do things, you can schedule in a date night for the two of you on a Friday and a regular activity together one morning at the weekend. Don't feel like you should always spend time with your in-laws, and enjoy the time you have to yourself when OH does rather than get frustrated with him.

 

I encouraged my in-laws to move closer as it made life much easier - a few quick visits each week are much easier for me to manage than several weekends a year, it's probably about the same amount of time in the end! My children have been very blessed to have grown up with grandparents around the corner and as the in-laws get older it is great that they are not so far away.

[Seagazer]

My MIL lives about 10 minutes away and we can go months without seeing her, especially the last year or so as she began to be quite spiteful about my YS and I don't think he should have to put up with horrible comments from her. She used to moan all the time about how "Ooops, word censored!"y her mum was but she's going the same way. That said my ES and DD went over yesterday for lunch with her as we were away for the weekend with YS. DD said she didn't seem quite so dotty this time. I always got on/get on with her but she can't have a go at YS for nothing.

 

I see my mum most weeks and we talk every other day on the phone.

 

p.s. I have to really prod OH to talk or see his mum