Chicken boarders

[The Dogmother]

Does anyone have any experience with care of the elderly, specifically Alzheimer's?

 

As some of you may remember, my mother had a series of strokes 3 years back, and while she wasn't affected physically, she developed dementia. My father has been looking after her at home with the help of 2 lovely 'sitters' who come in 3 half days a week to spend time with her, and take her out whilst he has a break.

 

Things were getting too much for him to handle, so my dad had been interviewing agencies to provide a 24/7 live-in carer five days a week for mummy, he got it down to 2 agencies, plumped for one, interviewed potential carers and a lady started on Monday who seemed very suited and got on well with them both. Daddy popped down the road yesterday and when he came back, mummy was in the porch looking very upset and told him that 'they had to get out'; it turns out that this carer was either mentally ill, on drugs or drink and had totally flipped, she'd assaulted mummy and started on daddy. He locked her in the house while he took mummy to safety next door and went back while he called for reinforcements, friends came to help (and bear witness) and the agency managers also arrived. It turns out that this woman had only been with them 2 weeks, they hadn't checked her references, she hadn't had any training or supervised work. She'd gone totally mad and was ranting and screaming, trying to hit people, luckily no-one was badly hurt.

 

Daddy feels very let down and was fuming last night, he has cancelled the standing order and is going to report the agency today. He's now back to the day care 3 x a week and we're due to go away at the end of the month for a week, so there now won't be a live-in carer to look after mummy. Surprisingly my sister has stepped into the breach and offered to help out.

 

I'll speak to him again today but I'm not sure where he will go from there as he now feels that he can't trust any of the agencies any more... does anyone here have any experience of dementia care and can you advise or recommend a provider?

[Groovychook]

Sorry, haven't got any advice to offer you, I'm just flabbergasted that the agency hadn't checked the 'carer' out thoroughly!

 

What a frightening and unsettling experience for your parents

I hope you manage to get something sorted soon.

[Daphne]

Just wanted to offer some sympathy DM, what a truly horrible thing for your father, your mother (and you) to have had to deal with.

 

He must certainly report the agency. I have no specific experience with dementia only care for older family members. We also had a very bad experience with one care agency (involving fraud not violence) and had to take my FIL in to live with us for a while. After a couple of months I looked again for another agency and found one as it sounds your father did, just by looking locally, speaking on the phone, taking up references and interviewing personally, I took the same approach with another family member. It was a bit of an effort but worth it - so try not to be too put off, all agencies are not the same! Perhaps you could ask the local GP if there are any agencies they recommend/don't recommend. You could also try asking social services, I am assuming your father isn't eligible for a care package but given his story I think the Council might be sympathetic and helpful with advice about who to try. I have a friend with a widowed mother with Alzeheimers and she has great care from her Council apparently, but she is in Essex.

 

Since then I have had to find a care home for another relative and this time we narrowed it down by looking up reports from the Care Quality Commission - they do reports on agencies as well I think, available FOC online. Its not a failsafe as the CQC have come in for a lot of stick recently, but I did find it useful.

 

Its good that your sister has volunteered some help, I do hope you are all able to take a break as planned.

[bluekarin]

Oh my god! I am so sorry I have no help or suggestions for you. How on earth did this agency let this happen? Letting a new, unchecked person care for someone vulnerable? Beggars belief. I do hope you get some answers and get the help needed.

[The Dogmother]

Thanks for the advice Daphne. he has standby care - day sitters as I described above - from a local organisation which he is a trustee of; they are excellent but only provide daytime 'sitting' care. They come in for half a day and amuse my mother, take her out for little trips etc so that he gets a break. He really needs a live-in person though as M is up frequently in the night wandering around and it tires him out when he has to get up and steer her back to bed.

 

The folks usually (very kindly) take Rosie and I away each year so that we get a break, this will be the first trip without my mother, so it will be sad, but he really needs the break and she's too disorientated when she's away from home.

[Goosey Lucy]

Oh my word DM, I can't believe what has happened. Your poor Mum and Dad (and you of course).

 

I have no advice to give I'm afraid as my parents are long gone. Good to hear your sister is going to help in the short term though. I think speaking with the GP may be a good idea.

 

Love and hugs from all of us here x

[Cinnamon]

Oh my, what a horrible situation for you all.

 

Like others, I am appalled at the agency for letting this woman look after vulnerable people without checking her references!

[The Dogmother]

Thanks Lucy, sadly the NHS is very limited in the help they can provide, and they just try to bung her in a home, which we are holding off from while she is still physically able and emotionally attached to their home. They don't qualify for any government help with care but have an insurance policy which covers most of the cost of the live-in care.

 

Thankfully Mummy doesn't appear to remember anything about it this morning when I had a chat with her early today.

[Lavenders_Blue]

I work for the Stroke Association and would suggest that you try giving our helpline a ring - 0303 3033 100.

Someone on the helpline might be able to advise you on reputable care agencies in your area that have experience of stroke care including dementia. Alternatively they might be able to put you in touch with a local co-ordinator who has knowledge of the local care agencies.

Sorry I can't be of any personal help but you're right out of my area so I don't have any knowledge of the care providers near to you. We have an excellent Home Instead care agency in our area who I wouldn't hesitate to recommend, except that I believe they are franchised so care standards could well vary from area to area... Good luck, it's a minefield.

[The Dogmother]

Thanks L_B, but they're not near me; the folks live in Hertfordshire... makes things even more frustrating when I can't be with them

[Lavenders_Blue]

Ah okay, I know some of my Herts colleagues. I'll have a chat to them today and see if they can make any suggestions and I'll get back to you.

[The Dogmother]

Thanks, that's very helpful, will PM you.

[Egluntyne]

Cripes! I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope your Dad can get suitable help very soon. x

[The Dogmother]

I spoke to him just earlier and although he didn't get much sleep - understandably - he is going to speak to the governing body for care organisations today to see what hoops he has to jump through to get the agency either disciplined or their licence revoked. I have suggested that he asks them about contacting the police so that this woman can no longer get CRB clearance.

 

He's meeting later this afternoon with the CEO of the local carer organisation he is trustee of to see if they can provide him with extra day time sitter care so that he has more respite.

 

He's doing really well... as an old-school chap who had never done anything domestic, he can now cook (well, M&S ready meals) and knows how to operate the washing machine, he attends to all M's needs including bathing and dressing her and is adamant that he doesn't want her in a home. I just wish that I lived nearer and was able to help more.

[Patricia W]

DM, what an awful tale. Your Dad sounds magnificent. I hope my OH rises to the task if it ever happens to me, and vice versa. Thoughts are with you.

[LolaLayla]

What a nightmare I used to work with patients in the community with dementia. However I imagine the situation will be different up here. If it is only for a week I would not totally rule out residential accommodation. A lot of my patients went for respite care and had a lovely time. We were not allowed to recommend anywhere but knew the best places so always tried to find a place there first. If you think you would try this then pop into your selected home unannounced at a busy time eg lunchtime and check it out for staffing, attitude to residents, smell etc.

Would any of your day time sitters be prepared for the holiday week to work full time for you? I know this does not sort out your long term problem but maybe help for the week. My only other thought is for you to advertise privately and vet the applicants. A friend of mine is a retired nurse and she has a job like the one you are describing so there may be others looking for similar positions.

The agency was terrible and I would let the authorities know about their shortcomings. They should not be allowed to operate I hope you get a solution.

[The Dogmother]

Thanks LL. I went with my father to visit some residential homes near them when I last visited, but while most of them were lovely and probably suitable, she is too disorientated away from home and gets distressed. My mother still identifies strongly with their home and even frets when they come up to me for a day.

 

I will suggest the idea of hiring someone private though, although I'm not sure whether their insurance would cover that.

[Purplemaniacs]

Oh that is awful, what a horrid thing to happen to them. I hope your dad gets the help and support he needs soon.

 

Chrissie

[Cinnamon]

I went with my father to visit some residential homes near them when I last visited, but while most of them were lovely and probably suitable, she is too disorientated away from home and gets distressed. My mother still identifies strongly with their home and even frets when they come up to me for a day.

 

 

From experience, the 'home' is forgotten pretty quickly in a lot of cases, such is the nature of the condition.

Residential homes can be wonderful these days & you can make it look as much like her family home as you can, with decorating & nick nacks. It will help with familiar faces around, of course.

I think it would be really helpful for your dad to know that expert help is just around the corner,although I am sure you know that already

[soapdragon]

DM, so sorry to hear this - what a worry for you but your father sounds absolutely amazing, bless him! Hope you are able to bring the agency to book; their failing to check refs is unprofessional and unforgivable.

 

Not able to add anything practical, I am afraid, but sending positive thoughts and hoping you are able to get some suitable care in place very soon.

[Alis girls]

The Alzheimers association is great - they have talking point and a chat thing like Omlet and offer loads of advice. They are so supportive (my dad has vascular dementia) but there is support and surprisingly humour too and god knows you need that. Also ask Gp re help c a care package from social services - your dad should I think be entitled to respite but you have to fight for it. However I dont want to be a pessimist but he may not want to put mum in a home even for a week and it will make her more confused. Good luck and also look out the nearest support group to your dad (postcode thing I think if I remember right) and probably to you too. Ali x

[WitchHazel]

Clare that's just awful! Letting an unchecked person do any sort of care is bad enought, but letting them go to a placement as a live in carer is just incredible! What a horrible experience, and how worrying for you being so far away,

 

I would be tempted to specifically ask any agency in future what checks they make, and cite the example you've had.

 

If nothing is done to reprimand the agency, I'd contact You and Yours on Radio 4, and/or Saga, to get some publicity for the problem.

 

I don't have any practical advice to offer, but I did just want to add my long-distance moral support!

[The Dogmother]

Thanks for your support and advice - I will pass it on. L_B is also helping out through her work contacts.

 

Ali, they are in touch with Alzheimer's.org in their area, there are coffee mornings and some support but there's only one woman providing support for a very large area, so she's very stretched. This person knows the organisation that my father is trustee of and recommends them. They aren't a million miles away from you, so if you know of any care agencies that are good, any suggestions would be most welcome.

 

Sarah, I'm afraid that she's very emotionally tied to the house; they have lived there for 60 years and she frets no end when away, even when we took her to Norfolk for a week at Easter. The lack of a point of reference and familiar surroundings completely throw her out.

 

WH, he totally intends to get the agency sorted and reported, if he doesn't then I will!

The woman in question had been phoning them but stopped when he told her that he'd call the police if she rang again. No more contact today either. He is dealing with it very well considering, but I think he is really looking forward to getting away and we intend to spoil him rotten and make sure he rests.

[Space Chick]

Reading this has really upset me

 

I hope you can get some additional support.

 

I can appreciate the need to keep your Mum at home and get her the care she needs there.... Going through something similar with OH's Dad who has terminal cancer (causing night issues and hallucinations), Mum in law is struggling although we are only a few minutes away and are helping, but we've had the options of nurses coming in for short bursts or taking him into a hospice.... We are trying with the nurses coming in as being away from home would be awful for him and my MIL as I'm sure it would be for your Mum and Dad.

 

Sending supportive hugs, and hope you can get your Mum the care she deserves that will keep her at home with her husband where she belongs ((hugs)) xx

[Cooks]

I am so sorry to read this DM, I have no experience in this field so can only offer my long distance support and thoughts for you and your family xxxx