gavclojak Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Why do people think it's ok to comment on other peoples appearance....I am so fed up with it!!! Over the last two weeks at work I have had two patients saying I have put weight on (yes I have) I didn't want to go into the whole...I'm on tamoxifen blah blah blah but then they both asked why I had gained weight! A guy commented that he didn't like my shade of hair(copper) and he preferred it darker(red) another guy saying yesterday"oh your growing your hair?...No....keep it short" another woman mentioned she didn't like my cardigan as it clashed with my hair... I don't do "crying" but my eyes actually pricked yesterday.....joe public can be so rude.....I have had enough of it...rant over..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beantree Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 It's a sign of an empty life Gavclojak. So you have given them something to occupy their minds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gavclojak Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 It's a sign of an empty life Gavclojak. So you have given them something to occupy their minds. Amazing reply beantree....thank you XXX...maybe they all need to get some chooks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I agree - frankly if you cant say something positive - belt up. Beauty comes from within - my gran who lived to 93 had many wrinkles - she never wore make up - in fact detested the stuff and used to say she was worried her wrinkly face would frighten my young (then) son. It never did - she radiated beauty from within with her lovely chuckle etc. In these days when everyone has is obsessed with the outer shell - they think they have a right to comment. I work as a Practice Nurse and one day a woman asked when I was due big mistake - at 52 I dont want more babies - laughable really! You've been thro a lot if youre on Tamoxifen - I dont know your medical history but I see a lot of women who've been thro similar and it knocks you back , your femininity etc. You could tell them the truth if you wanted but why should you. Keep dying your hair - its taking control of your life again and if you like it - ignore the rest. Good luck - and chin up girl. Hugs Ali xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bramble Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Sending you a big hug Gavclojak ... people can be vile at times, but the oddest thing is they have absolutely no idea that what they are saying is hurtful - also, if you're someone who has "patients" you must be a scary medical person - maybe they're just nervous and say the first thing that comes into their head - or am I just making excuses. My mum is in the habit of saying less than nice things to me from time to time - the last time I visited she'd commented that my hair was a mess, I was fat and my trousers were too long - that was all before I'd got in through the front door!!! Rise above it, Beantree has a very good point ... tell them you'll set the Omleteers on them if they say anything to upset you again we'll be round like a shot to sort them out ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Been there Bramble - my mum was very critical of my looks - my hair was her bug bear its now mine.( frizz ) I think its a lack of confidence. I now try and say nice things to people or nothing at all. I think patients see you as "theirs" almost like their property and if they know you well will pass comment - its a sad fact but probably means they feel at ease with you. If you cant say anything nice - keep it zzzzipppped. Simples Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gavclojak Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 ah thank you all so much, you have cheered me up no end....I always thought I wasn't a "forum" type of girl and this is the only one I use but it really has been a godsend...sometimes you don't want your mates, however close to know how your mind is ticking:))) Yes I had breast cancer a while ago but am absolutely fine now, I was incredibly lucky and thank god for an amazing NHS, unfortunately both mum and dad have cancer so life a tad busy at the moment....but do you know what, it could be a lot worse so I thank god everyday for my three healthy kids Oh im not a scary medical person, I am PM for a large NHS/private dental practice...used to nurse so i am so used to calling them patients, apparently its now service users!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 It's great for offloading. Don't be their victim, "Ooops, word censored!" back a bit. If anyone mentions your weight say you've been looking for a diet buddy, perhaps she'd like to do that and so on. By the way I love copper coloured hair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Gavclojak - I went to a seminar on breast cancer and the consultant said he knows when his ladies have turned the corner so to speak as they start asking when they can dye/highlight their hair - esp if its grown back after treatment. My friends on tamoxifen and has put on wt a little but is so pleased shes in remission she says its the least of her worries. Shes a fiesty gal but like you gets upset when people are tactless. You can sound off on Omlet at any time. Ali x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gavclojak Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 Thanks so much Ali...and all of you...XxX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I love Copper hair, keep wishing I was brave enough to go more obviously copper, at the moment I'm getting the hairdresser to cover up the increasing amounts of grey with my natural colour and some highlights but maybe I'll ask for more copper next time Ignore those that are critical, I also can't believe what people feel it's ok to say to us. I think it may partly be our age, people seem to feel they can make any comments they like to women of a certain age. We're not supposed to be sensitive just practical and stoic Smile and ignore them (but feel free to get in the odd dig back ) Your hair colour and weight is none of their business! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yvonne Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Given your job, I guess people think they can say what they like and you can't say anything back - how rude !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lavenders_Blue Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Sadly, it seems to be part of our culture nowadays - people are so used to seeing photos of celebrities/Z listers that are scrutinised and criticised in great detail and so publicly. People put photos of themselves on Facebook etc which invites comment and opinion. I think many people forget that there are those of us who don't wish to have every detail of our lives publicly discussed. I've been through quite a stressful time recently and have dropped a stone in weight - which people keep commenting on and asking me about. Quite frankly I don't want to talk about it and as far as I'm concerned it's quite inappropriate to ask! Stick with us here on the forum, we honestly don't care what colour your hair is, or what shape or size you are, or what you wear (although we might think you're a bit odd if you go to the supermarket in your jim-jams ). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 People can be vile! Esp as this is said to you at work so presumably, if you gave them the response that they so richly deserve, you would be hauled over the coals They clearly have nothing else in their lives to occupy them so actually I'd feel sorry for them Stay strong and smile sweetly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Webmuppet Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 My Mother always has a go about my appearance, I'm fat (I'm a size 12 and always have been) ladies of my age shouldn't have long hair and shouldn't wear jeans and t shirts (I'm 48 ) . I have learnt to fight back......I usually point out that I will dress how I want and if I want long hair then I will have long hair. I simply refuse to have short hair and wear tweed skirts and sensible shoes. The only thing I do is remember to turn the radio off in the car if I have to take her any where.....I'm not sure she would like loud rock music Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I agree but also as I said before esp in the NHS if you've been there a while as a member of staff patients see you as "theirs "and this means all the "Ooops, word censored!" that comes with it. When I first started in my present post I often had "wheres my nurse - I've never seen you" and "wheres my normal nurse?" - one morning after several "normal nurses" questions I quipped " no you'll have to make do with an abnormal nurse" - many of these not put off now ask for me "their normal nurse" Along with this they want to know you're life history etc - I dont mind and many i see as friends. It can be intrusive too especially if you have time off for a long illness. I have tried to grow a thicker skin but their comments hurt sometimes. My colleague a Hungarian girl gets very upset if they are rude - adv her to ignore them and pass on complementary comments re her work and how she treats people to her esp as shes been off sick. I know shes chuffed re this - we dinned out on my being asked if I was pregnant - I replied to the lady " no I'm just fat" - that shut her up. its hard but thankfully most people are nice and appreciate you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
percy049 Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 People are so obsessed with looks nowadays There are great people on here to cheer you up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I work with the general public too, & have not as yet had anyone say anything negative about my appearance...thank goodness. In fact my copper hair gets a fair few compliments, not always welcome ones though A very nasty baggage told a lovely young man I work with that he was far too spotty to have a job at Waitrose, & that people with bad skin shouldn't be in the pubic eye. If I'd of heard her I would have given her a right telling off - the poor boy was totally devastated & it really knocked his confidence. People can be vile. They are mostly best ignored, in my opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 A very nasty baggage told a lovely young man I work with that he was far too spotty to have a job at Waitrose, & that people with bad skin shouldn't be in the pubic eye. I'm just speechless That sort of customer should be banned I'd never dream of saying anything non-complimentary to someone working with the public (I have occasionally said things like 'what lovely nails' in a genuine way, when I notice someone handing me back change has exotic nail polish) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 that is horrible Cinnamon - ES's friend has bad acne and has a big personality to rise above the nasty comments but must hurt. I agree - bans on nasty people should be commonplace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lavenders_Blue Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 A very nasty baggage told a lovely young man I work with that he was far too spotty to have a job at Waitrose, & that people with bad skin shouldn't be in the pubic eye. Now that is just plain nasty The other comments discussed on here have been thoughtless, rather insensitive and not generally meant to cause offence, but commenting on someone's skin in that way is unforgivable. What a nasty person. I hope she gets struck down with boils Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
