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Shirl

House Hunting/split due to family Tragedy

By Shirl, in The Nesting Box

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Chook n Boo Mum Eggcentric Egluowner

Chook n Boo Mum

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Shirl, I've often wondered how Tom has been getting on, it's good to know that he's going to be part of this programme, hopefully giving you more of the much needed information that has not been accessible in the past 10 months......and I echo the "has it really been that long" sentiment :anxious:

 

{{{hugs}}} to you all

 

Sha x

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Shirl Chatty Chicken

Shirl

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It's great that there is some positive action regarding Tom. Whatever the outcome, you'll know one way or the other.

 

It's hard to believe it's been 10 months, how are you all coping now?

I don't think we are coping. I still cry about it almost every day, often at the most inappropriate times. Our mum cries at his bedside every visit. My brother won't discuss Tom and refuses to visit because he knows Tom would not want to be like he is. It's as if he blames us for keeping Tom alive. Short of depriving him of antibiotics there's nothing we could do anyway. My mum, sis and I make sure Tom has a visitor (one of us) everyday and will do as long as he is still with us. Knowing how aware Tom is will help us massively. At the moment I equate it to Tom being a missing person. We don't know if he's alive (in mind) or not . The not knowing is almost as bad as the situation itself.

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Chook n Boo Mum Eggcentric Egluowner

Chook n Boo Mum

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You can only do what you feel is best in the circumstances...yes Tom wouldn't be like this if he had the choice, but also I'd have thought he wouldn't want to be on his own especially if he is aware of his surroundings. People deal with trauma & stress in different ways, your other brother's way is not right nor wrong, it's just his way :anxious:

 

It's been said before Shirl, we are always here to "listen" when you need us.... we have a broad collective shoulder and boxes & boxes of virtual choccies & tissues as needed :anxious:

 

More {{{hugs}}}

 

Sha x

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Willow Chicken Addict

Willow

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Shirl said

I don't think we are coping. I still cry about it almost every day, often at the most inappropriate times. Our mum cries at his bedside every visit. My brother won't discuss Tom and refuses to visit because he knows Tom would not want to be like he is. It's as if he blames us for keeping Tom alive. Short of depriving him of antibiotics there's nothing we could do anyway. My mum, sis and I make sure Tom has a visitor (one of us) everyday and will do as long as he is still with us. Knowing how aware Tom is will help us massively. At the moment I equate it to Tom being a missing person. We don't know if he's alive (in mind) or not . The not knowing is almost as bad as the situation itself.

 

You are being a wonderful sister to Tom :clap: and your ability to continue to to organise visits so he has a visitor every day shows you are coping. It's not surprising you cry, it must be heart-breaking :cry: . I'm sure everyone you know understands how terribly difficult this is for all of you. I hope you get good news from the tests, although even if it is bad news it will help to at least have an idea what he can perceive.

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Shirl Chatty Chicken

Shirl

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All these lovely posts are making me cry again. See told you it doesn't take much nowadays. I do appreciate your support but I begin to drive myself mad when I keep talking and thinking about it-I pitty my friends. Honestly my friends (virtual and real) have been fantastic so thank you to everyone. Don't forget to eat some of those chocolates yourselves.

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Shirl Chatty Chicken

Shirl

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It has been nearly 6 months since I last updated and I have some tentatively good news. Tom went To Addenbrookes last week to the research centre where they did lots of MRI, EEG and other cognative and auditory testing. We don't have the full results yet but they have told us he has fluid surrounding the brain which causes pressure and inhibits recovery. It is early days so far but they are going to look at getting his previous MRI scans and then potentially putting a shunt in to drain the fluid away. We get the full results in about 3 weeks but until then we have hope. It's a shame it has taken 15 months to get this far but at least we're there now.

 

On the downside I crashed my car last night. I don't know what happened. My car is not badly damaged, although undriveable, but the other car was damaged right across the side so as it is a 7 year old picasso I assume it will be a write off. I wasn't concentrating at all, I had other things on my mind and I asumme it was my fault although looking at the damage it looks more like he hit the front of my car as he drove past too close. It is guess work though as I don't have a clue. I have had so many near misses because I'm just not with it but I have no option to drive. Without a car I can't get the kids to school 10 miles away or see Tom. I've just picked up a hire car which isn't covered by insurance but I managed to get a good deal so for 28 days hire it is costing me £330 which includes insurance etc.

 

I just have to try and keep me and the kids safe. I'm thinking I may go and see the Dr but I don't want him to take my licence away (well report me to Swansea as unsafe) or put me on some sort of anti d that means I'm not allowed to drive.

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A chickychickychick-ENN!! Chicken Addict

A chickychickychick-ENN!!

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That is good news. So sorry that this is such a devastating strain on you.

 

I second chickencam on driving. I do not wish too sound harsh, but if you are really having that many near misses, it sounds like driving is too dangerous for you at this time.

 

If you did have an accident, and god forbid someone got seriously hurt in either vehicle, it would be so much harder for you to keep going physically and mentally for yourself and your family.

 

Are there any support services in the area which could help you with transport? The council, or red cross or charities possibly? Don't schools have to help with transport for certain distances?

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