rabbitfluff Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Right, straight in there I think: I'm sitting at my desk at work having just accidentally pulled the zip bit off my, erm, fly, which has, you know, left a gap. I've either got an hour's walk home after work or have to use public transport, so my question is this: Help! My shirt untucked helps a little, but my coat only comes to my waist and a raid on the first aid box looking for a safety pin only resulted in a box of plasters and some paracetamol. This is like Appollo 13 - only more critical - where we come up with a makeshift solution - I have a variety of office equipment at my disposal, including a stapler and bulldog clips, and a hat. Any bright ideas would really (genuinely) be appreciated. Sensible suggestions only! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raina Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 sorry but i did lol Could you staple it together? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lewis Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I'd go for the stapler (carefully ) or sellotape. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dippy bird Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 are there any paper clips?? Sorry, but it does sound funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 tie your jacket round your waste and get the bus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickendoodle Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 OOOH dear. How about pants on the outside of your trousers, superman style Alternatively could you use the plasters to hold the edges together by sticking them inside your trousers with the sticky bits either side of the gap? Might call for a bit of careful sitting down so as not to cause another embarrassing incident but it might work! Didn't laugh, honest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Easy - take off your shirt & tie it around your waist with the long bit covering the gap,then put your coat on (& don't forget to do it up!) Seemples Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clootie Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 How on earth did you pull it off in the first place sitting at your desk? Yeah, yeah, you were all wondering the same, admit it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Of course if you were to walk home in your bra,no one will notice if your pants are showing or not Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A chickychickychick-ENN!! Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Are you a boy or girl? For girls, I wouldn't worry. We don't have much to flap out. For boys, I would worry. Ask a close colleague to put an email shout out for needle and thread or send them to a local supermarket to pick some up for you? If not, just front it out and sit with a bag on your lap on public transport. I wouldn't be embarrassed. Frankly, if someone is looking at your crotch, they're being inappropriate and their opinion is not to be worried about! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A chickychickychick-ENN!! Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 ps: I'm more concerned about the tiny coat in this freezing weather! Wrap up warm! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welovemarmite Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 do you have a scarf that you could borrow and tie around your waist in trendy belt sort of style? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 oooooo I know, borrow a colleague's lipstick and blush, slap some on and "Ooops, word censored!"ody will be looking at your flies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhapsody Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 buy a broadsheet newspaper and carry it at the appropriate level. or act completely drunk and no-one will question it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyhunnypie Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Swop trousers with a colleague who is working later than you. Go home, get changed - then bring your colleagues trousers back just in time for them finishing work! Emma.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chick wiggle Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 So sorry Tim, not laughing really Helpful bunch arnt we? Id go for the staple option, do you have anything substantial under there to staple it to? { } Oh please let us know how you managed, and we promise not to laugh next time Oh, also, the bra idea is a REALLY good idea for you, will DEFINATELY make people give you a wide berth! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rabbitfluff Posted December 16, 2009 Author Share Posted December 16, 2009 Ha thanks for the replies (and for not finding it amusing)! I think we may differ a little on what we call sensible! I am, alas, a chap, which does add a certain additional concern! Especially with regards to the stapler! I also work for a company that's all men, so no-one has anything practical on them like a safety pin or emergency cummerbund like what you girls might. The only thing we've managed to come up with between us is a half safety pin/half crocodile clip type thing that you get on the back of a name badge when you're on a training course! It can only go on the outside though (name badge removed), which might more draw attention to the area? It's more of a problem when I sit, so I'm thinking if I walk home it'll be dark so it should be ok. Especially if I walk really really quickly so I'm more of a blur! If you do hear of someone being arrested in Sheffield for indecent exposure, will you have a whip round for my bail? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
majorbloodnock Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 OK, a few ideas. Are your front door keys on a keyring that's effectively a double coil of wire? If so, you could make a couple of suitably positioned holes in the fabric strip on either side of the zip teeth and pass the keyring (after taking keys off, that is....) through those holes. That should keep it roughly in place. An alternative take on this idea would be to make several holes in the zip fabric on either side and use a shoe lace to lace it up (and, before someone asks the question, you could always use half a shoe lace, allowing you to use the other half to still fasten the shoe for long enough to last until home). That, of course, presumes your shoes are laced up or you can find someone willing to donate a bit of shoe lace to assist. Also, the problem with flies gaping is only with privacy (especially if you're wearing something light coloured underneath) and warmth. Both could be mitigated if you create a Word document containing a black box that's about the same size as the page, print it off, fold the resulting page a couple of times (black outermost) until it's an appropriate size and then position it inside your trousers between you and the hole. The dark'll attract less attention and the paper'll keep most of the draught off. Finally, has anyone got a scarf they can lend? No-one'll comment on a scarf tucked inside a jacket and appearing at the bottom in front of your crotch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Well you can always write on the badge something like "You should be ashamed for looking at this" or "PRIVATE" Take off a sock and put that underneath. When sitting, lean forward with your hands clasped together. You could always groan a bit and watch everyone give you plenty of space. Sorry, but I can't help it. I have to Will watch out for you on the news and hope you make it safely home in one piece - please try and cover up warmly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaireG Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Anyone got an umbrella or briefcase or anything that you could hold at the appropriate level? Or if you have an sellotape could you double it over and use it to stick your fly together? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
majorbloodnock Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Actually, what the heck. Just borrow a party hat, pull your pockets inside out and go for the "I've had enough Christmas spirit to pull the Elephant impression stunt" look. People'll be more than happy to assume the worst of a bloke at a time like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chick wiggle Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I would willingly donate to the bail money just for the laugh you have given me. Trust the Major to come up with the goods (so to speak) I am sure if you sat on the bus with your hands strategically placed no-one would notice, and if anyone did look, then feel flattered as the groin is only looked at if the face is pleasant enough to warrant further inspection...........so I've heard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I'm not laughing - honestly Too late now......but I'd have sent for Egluntyne........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenNutter Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Actually, what the heck. Just borrow a party hat, pull your pockets inside out and go for the "I've had enough Christmas spirit to pull the Elephant impression stunt" look. People'll be more than happy to assume the worst of a bloke at a time like this. I was thinking exactly the same thing. Whilst your trousers are loose, why not photocopy your bottom and leave the picture there for all to see whilst you're at it! It's Christmas!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 so no-one has anything practical on them like a safety pin or emergency cummerbund Him Indoors never leave the house without the latter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
