Poorly chicken

[patsylabrador]

Apparently there's quite a storm on the internet about an article written by a lady who wrote that she hated breastfeeding and found it creepy. I understand that she's offended quite a lot of women.

Firstly, I want to point out that my comments here are not an attack on breastfeeding but are comments on my choices.

 

I'm amazed that these sorts of arguments still go on, I'd have thought by now women could have reached a point where they would allow other women to have their own opinion about something so personal.

I was glad to read about the article, I felt the same as her about the points she made and am glad to know I'm not the only one after all. I thought I was a bad, freaky mother as I absolutely loathed breast feeding.I got an awful lot of comments and lectures at mother/baby clinics, which felt like bullying at the time, and it annoys me that women still aren't allowed to speak openly and honestly about why they choose to bottle feed. Breast isn't always best if the mother is unhappy as that could affect her relationship with her baby I would have thought. I know I was more settled and content when I stopped it with my first baby and everything else settled down.

I had four babies and bottle fed them all, they're strong and healthy adults now. The line from her opponents goes that if a woman was undecided and read her article, they might decide to bottle feed. That's up to them.

Edited June 28, 2010 by Guest

[Tiggy]

quite right too, Ive not been able to have my own children so cannot comment on what I would do. What i do see are moms who are distressed when they havn't been able to breast feed for whatever reason, whilst the breast is best campaign is correct, its made for babies and its free. However millions of babies survive very well on formular & its unfair to make moms feel guilty if they decide to bottle feed

[Chickendoodle]

It is so much a personal choice thing I think. I breastfed both of mine but I would never, never, never have considered doing it in public (public as in not in front of anyone except my OH!)

I can fully understand why some mums don't like the idea of it or just choose to bottle feed for any number of reasons and I don't think anyone should be criticised for whatever decision they make as long as they are looking after their baby!

Personally I find it embarrasing when I see mums feeding their babies outside - I never had the need to do it - my first daughter fed 4 hourly regular as clockwork so I timed being out accordingly and my 2nd daighter was much more erratic so I would take a bottle of expressed milk out with me.

I know I am going off subject a little but essentially I am trying to say it is absolutely the mother's choice, but be aware that if you do breast feed you may make people feel uncomfortable if you do it in public. Yes I know it is the most natural thing in the world but that is the way it is.

 

Do you remember many moons ago Esther Rantzen breast fed her son while she was being interviewed on the radio and there was an absolute outcry as you could hear his slurps and people were offended No webcams then either

[The Dogmother]

I totally agree that the most important thing is that the mother is happy with whichever route they choose.

 

I breastfed my one and only until she decided to abandon it at 6 months. I loved every minute of it, but had to combined feed as I was forced back to work when she was 8 weeks old. My sister never took to breastfeeding and was bullied by her midwife and ended up in tears - I went over to see if I could help her, but she just found it all too painful (she's very squeamish) and she ended up bottle feeding both of hers.

 

A friend has two children of 2.5 and 8 months; she co-sleeps with the two of them and breastfeeds them both through the night. Her OH sleeps in the spare room and she is constantly tired as the children wake each other up when they feed in the night. It's her choice, but she is really tied and exhausted.

 

I read an article on this in the paper this morning and found it an interesting debate.

[chickencam]

I was unable to breastfeed my first, but did with the other two. It is a matter of personal choice. Formula milk is so good these days that "Ooops, word censored!"ody should have to feel bad for not breastfeeding.

 

My 3 are all healthy and strong, the only doubt is my ED's hayfever, but the others may get that too, she didn't develop it until she was 15.

 

I did feed discreetly in public, but used my common sense as to where would be apropriate.

 

I also enjoyed it and was sad when DS stopped at 7months and I had to stop because I had a severe bought of tonsilitis when YD was 5 months old. I would recommend that mothers give it a go from a convenience point of view, but they should never feel pressurised and it is not for everyone.

[PurpleTree]

I tried breastfeeding Danny, I lasted about 2 and a half week, that was including a couple of extra nights in hospital with him being jaundiced at a week old. By the time I gave it up and changed to bottles, I absolutely hated it. I was making myself physically ill and dreading every feed. I didn't find the midwives very helpful as all they're allowed to advise you on is breastfeeding and won't discuss the alternatives.

 

When I had Olly I put him straight on bottles, and I enjoyed him far more when he was a newborn, and I recovered far better from labour, as I could hand him over to hubby and let him get on with it while I slept. I will be doing the same with this one.

 

I have nothing against breastfeeding, as others have said it's all personal choice, and I think if you get on with it then brilliant. But I hate the way you're made to feel like the world's worst mother if you choose to bottle feed.

[Aunty e]

I keep getting into arguments on other forums about this, because I think breastfeeding five year olds is a bit odd and probably shouldn't be encouraged.

 

I enjoyed the breast feeding and found it very easy, and was quite happy to breastfeed inside the sling in public, but couldn't bring myself to feed her in front of friends very much, which rather limited my going out options. It was a bit of a relief when she weaned herself at four months or so, and went onto formula because I could hand her over to other people to look after without having to frantically express the day or morning before. OH got to feed her too, which he liked. And I could drink guilt free! The early morning trip downstairs to heat up a bottle isn't so much fun as just shoving her on the boob though

[migsy]

I haven't read the article but I breast fed 2 out of my 3 children. I was very ill and had to be hospitalised when my first baby was 10 days old. The midwives bullied me into keeping him with me and looking after him whilst I was ill. I was so ill that all I wanted to do was to send him home to be looked after by his Dad until I got better. He also had tongue tie which meant that breast feeding took an hour at a time. I fed him for 3 months. I was so traumatised by this experience that I never tried to breast feed my second child. I tried to feed my 3rd child and ended up feeding him for 10 months - he was a much quicker feeder and I was fit and well. My point is that mothers should feel free to make their own choice and not be bullied by others.

 

Additionally, there are loads of outrageous claims about breast being best - protection against cancer, fewer ear infections etc. The health professionals don't actually show you any statistics to back these up and if you research these claims, it appears that they are with little foundation.

 

I don't like breast feeding warriors!

[chickencam]

My SIL had no support with feeding and her little one ended up in hospital when he was only a few days old. he was dehydrated. She had thought that he was feeding but had no experience and no help, until her own health visitor came, who had been off ill when she gave birth. She then admitted them both to hospital, it was really scary for her and should never have happened. I wish that we lived nearer and I could have been some help.

 

I had similar problems with ED who was born 3 weeks early and was a sleepy baby, but my health visitor was much more supportive and helped me when I gave up the struggle and switched to formula, at which point she didn't look back.

[tara]

I tryed breastfeeding my 1st child l had to stay in hospital longer which l hated l was so tied and felt like a cow when the midwifes kept grabbing my boobs to feed my child l hated it.She never got the hang of it nor did l it just made me feel depressed and unhappy and want to go home were l was more comfortable.My daughter was born on a saturday morning by the following wednesday a home visit from a midwife she was put on the bottle l felt id let every one down it seemed such a natural thing and l could'nt do it.When my son came along at 10 lb 1 oz ouch l hear you all say l would not even breast feeding him he was such a hungry baby anyway so am glad l did'nt try l never felt bad or pressured but for my first time l had and l believe its new mothers that normally feel the worst.As for feeding a 5 year old in my opinion l would stop while there babys may be thats more for the mother.My 2 are now 8 and 3 and are growing well hardly get colds and dont have any problems unless you count a constant lolly fettish by my 3 year old I worked on a maturnity suit and was given breast feeding training and was not given any information on formula l just past on my experience and left it up to the mother l did see alot of you should do this while l was there.As long as mother and baby are healthy and happy that should be the main thing in my mind.If l see a mother feeding in public l just look away l would hope that they cover up as much as they can tho l dont agree with mothers sitting in toliets id not each my lunch in a loo why should a baby.We had a mother at toddler group who used to walk around with her boob swinging and a baby on the end problem was dads like to come as well which made them feel like not going back so l do think you have to cover and use common sence.

[Seagazer]

I typed out a really long speech about this but suffice to say I tried with all 3 of my children and it didn't work. I've got a 'friend' who classes me as a failure because I didn't manage it and obviously her children are much fitter than mine because of it.

 

It should totally be a matter of choice and you shouldn't be made to feel bad if you choose one way or the other or if the choice is made for you in that you are unable to.

[abwsco]

I was desperate to breast feed my first. Although not prem she was only 5lb 14oz and try as I might she just wouldn't take to it. Night staff were brilliant in trying to help but day staff were another matter and I was left to my own devices........ She ended up losing quite a bit of weight. I wasn't allowed home with her until she had gained weight so after 8 days she went on the bottle (and made to feel a failure by day staff) and I was allowed home at day 10. Even on bottles she was an absolute nightmare for months and months and I had to record the amount of milk she was having everyday. She'd either have a miniscule amount or a large amount I didn't even try with second DD and although her birth weight was quite a bit more she was exactly the same with feeds.

[midori]

I think women should be able to make an informed decision for themselves. I do find it incredibly sad though that times have changed so much that using breasts for their original and intended purpose, feeding a baby, 'creeps out' some women so much that they feel they do not want to or can't breastfeed.

[migsy]

I don't see any problem with feeding in public. It is easy to do it discretely, you just cover your boob with a muslin square. "Ooops, word censored!"ody need see a thing.

[HennyPenny]

I can't believe that women are still made to feel like 'failures' when they can't or won't breastfeed. I couldn't 'get the hang of it' and was offered no support from midwives at all when my daughter was born so she was bottlefed from birth. Five years later, after being made to feel like a social outcast who had somehow made her first child suffer and was condemning her to a lifetime of illness and 'denying her that special closeness only breastfeeding can bring' (quote from Health Visitor), I gave birth to my son and was under enormous pressure to breastfeed. I found it extremely painful and after 5 doses of mastitis in 2 months, was finally advised by my doctor to give it up and bottle feed him. And still I was made to feel that I had somehow 'failed' him.

 

I remember listening to a woman who had recently given birth speaking about breastfeeding at a Parentcraft Class just days before I gave birth. She was telling us about how much blood was mixed in with the milk and how she had to bite on a towel because of the pain, and we were all still supposed to treat her like a hero for persevering with it, because 'it was best for baby'!!

 

My children are now 27 and 22 and have hardly had a day's illness in their lives. When the time comes for my daughter to (hopefully) be a mother herself, I sincerely hope she will feel strong enough to make the choice that will be best for her and her child.

[SarahJo]

Oooh - Stacey Slater has just told her Mid-wife where to get off re. this subject ( Eastenders btw)

 

I tried out of pressure with 1st born - failed due to various reasons, then on the 3rd day of exhaustion and totally hungry babe, resorted to the "bottle" . The mid-wife from the previous day shift walked in and knew instantly I had fed ES - she too was releived but admited they had to try their best to get mums to feed breast milk.

 

2nd babe had bottle striaght away - 16mths later I did not want to go down the same road . Both are healthy, clever and no worse off than breast fed children in terms of illness etc. In fact I would say an ex-friend who breast fed and tutted at my failure now has less "fit" children

 

Personally - I think the Mum should know best and be respected for her choice, there are far bigger hurdles to face in our childrens lives than what milk they had in the 1st few months of life

[Alis girls]

I tried it with both boys but my equipments er faulty (if you get my drift) if you dont well...... As a nurse I tell mums to do what they feel comfy with and if they have to give up so what - better a happy hydrated baby than an ill one. I'm not a midwife or HV but I know lots who are very much the same outlook - others sadly make mums feel like a failure when it goes pearshaped

[sadietoo]

Like many others on here, I gave up with breastfeeding my first child, but successfully fed my second until he was 10 months old. Although I know this won't make me popular, I do feel slightly irritated by women who are put off breast feeding for aesthetic, rather than medical or practical reasons...(after all it's the reason we have them ladies). That said you are put under a tremendous amount of pressure to breastfeed, and if it all goes wrong for some reason you can feel a failure and a poor mother which just shouldn't be the case. Certainly I felt that my body recovered much more quickly from my pregnancy when I did breastfeed, and I didn't have any PND either, having suffered quite a bit with my first. As far as their respective health etc goes, it's my breastfeed baby that suffers with dreadful eczema my bottle fed girl has had no problems at all !!!

[Couperwife]

this is making me feel really cross

 

hold on, let me explain, I dont have children, so i have no experience of my own, but how dare midwives make new (probably very tired and emotional and probably shell shocked) mums feel like failures because of the way they chose to feed their babies. Surely, how ever you choose (or are able) to feed new baby is the right way, as long as mum is happy, baby will be happy.

 

*grumble*

ok,ill shut up now

 

cathy

x

[theherd123]

Cathy you pretty much have it in a nut shell there!!

[debbier]

Any woman is entitled to their opinion, and I'm all for informed choice. However, the author of the article is the deputy editor of Mother & Baby, and as such should (I think) give a more balanced view. She is giving a very one sided, personal opinion that breastfeeding is "creepy". That, to me, is sad, along with all the accompanying rhetoric about droopy boobs, bleeding nipples, and basic agony.

 

It doesn't have to be that way, if you actively choose to breast feed and have sympathetic support.

[Looney]

I agree that a mother should have the right to choose, it should be an informed choice but theirs to make whatever the decision is.

 

I initially struggled with breastfeeding Bogwoppit and persevered through several almost unbearable and painful weeks. Although a lot of the pressure to continue was from myself there was also a feeling of pressure from outside. OH, having read all the leaflets and spoken to 'concerned' family etc, was very, very keen that Bogwoppit was breastfed and seemed to have absolutely no comprehension of what I was going through. At one point he did actually say 'Oh, well, if you just want to give up like X (my friend who had decided to bottle feed from day one) and give him a bottle, then do it' as if this would be a real act of failure. My reaction is not printable In the end I breastfed for 10 months until Bogwoppit started inflicting his teeth on me.

 

I did have the help of a brilliant breastfeeding lady who came to the house every couple of days for the first couple of weeks and to her credit she put no pressure on me at all. The first thing she said was that the most important thing was that mother and baby are happy. I absolutely agree with her and would never criticise anyone for their choice.

 

The feeding in public debate.....again it is up to the individual. I used a shawl but only because Bogwoppit was a so-and-so and I really would have exposed everything to everyone! People shouldn't feel uncomfortable feeding in public and unless the Mum really is letting it all hang out I don't see why anyone else should feel uncomfortable seeing her feed her baby

[whoopsie]

There are far more important things to parenting than breastfeeding alone. And yes i'm a midwife/breastfeeding advocate. I am NOT the 'Breastfeeding Police'! Some midwives make me cringe the way they make women (and men) feel.

 

I believe in Informed Choice, which includes risks. The parent can then make up their own mind.

[theherd123]

I don't see why anyone else should feel uncomfortable seeing her feed her baby

 

Afterall thats that boobs are there for!!

 

I fed Isabelle until she was one but I had an alternative problem - the midwife wanted me to bottle feed as in her opinion she wasnt putting on enough weight for her liking and tried to push me into bottle feeding her which I did not want to do.

 

Some times you just cant win can you?!

[Griffin]

I bottle fed my first two because I was very young and actually thought it'd be embarressing hoiking my boobs out all the time. By the time I had my third daughter I had had a change of heart and decided to give it a go. I don't do things by halves I breastfed her until four days after her second birthday It was so much easier than bottle feeding, I was glad not to have to faff about with sterilising bottles and making feeds, heating them up etc. I did breastfeed in public but discreetly and "Ooops, word censored!"ody ever saw acres of my flesh. I found it really really difficult breastfeeding number four though. She was tongue tied. I'm incredibly stubborn though and wouldn't entertain the idea of giving her a bottle. We muddled through until she was fourteen months old and at that point it was my decision to stop, not hers, she would've preferred to carry on

 

I've seen no evidence of the health benefits though. My eldest two daughters are healthier in general than the younger two. My youngest has severe eczema, has done from the day she was born. The younger two were terrible sleepers, my youngest still isn't brilliant and she didn't sleep through the night until she was three and a half I suffered PND with my youngest two, still suffer really badly with depression now. Maybe if they'd been bottle fed things would've been different. My boobs certainly would be in a better state than they are now