How can I find my old pictures?

[memphisto]

Sorry this is such a late post

 

I am wondering if there are any forum members currently suffering from PND or if you have experienced it in the past?

 

I was diagnosed with post natal post traumatic stress disorder with PND after a very traumatic delivery with my first baby, where, potentially, we could've both died before birth (I had a placental abruption that was missed). I was on meds and had counselling for a year after and then felt better, and the GP took me off the meds.

 

When I got pregnant again with my daughter, I almost felt it had hit as soon as I knew I was pregnant. I didn't seek help in case people thought I was crazy. I had another weird delivery with my daughter, because she was breech, they offered me an elective c- section, which I opted for as I didn't want to go through the birthing trauma again. Before the epidural, the anaesthetist couldn't site the needle, it was causing horrific pain down my legs and after 12 attempts, he said he would advise me to under general anaesthetic to deliver, so I agreed, my daughter was born 35 minutes later but I had complications and was in theatre for a further 2 and a half hours, in which time, she'd been given to my OH.

 

After waking from the anaesthetic, I was obviously sleepy and both her and I struggled to bond, she struggled to feed from me, I gave up feeding her myself at 6 weeks because she was still having difficulty feeding and the HV wasn't helpful towards me.

 

At 2 weeks post op I had to have my wound checked at the GP, I mentioned my feelings and was put on antidepressants. Initially they had a small effect, then plateau'd, so the dose was increased, there was no effect and I have now been put on to a different type along with diazepam to take at night as I wasn't able to sleep.

 

My OH hasn't been helpful with it, he calls it Obsessive Chicken Disease and doesn't think I have PND, I get short and snappy at him and he retaliates, we go round in the vicious cycle. I then go to spend time with my girls, he gets annoyed/jealous.

 

Because the girls FR, I don't need to be out with them, normally if anything untoward is going on, one will let off a screech!

 

My Mum has been so unhelpful, I honestly feel that she's put me back to square one, she's told me I need to be sectioned, yes I am badly affected but if the GP thought that, he'd do it. She tells me to go and get help, I have from the GP, Psych nurse and psychotherapist, some regression therapy and generally doing everything that is asked of me but then she turns around and says 'you must admit you have a problem' or 'you must get help', both of which I have done. I have had t beg the GP for psychoterapy and only because I wrote a letter to my MP' but she is being so awkward, telling me I should have looked after my children better then I wouldn't have PND?!

 

I've now giveb her websites to look at and she *says* she will but I doubt she will.

 

My OH's mother had a go at her when she answered my house phone! As my Mum lives 4 hours away OH's mum told her I was scared, sad, frightened, get your bum up here now' and she refused to do so.

 

I'm just finding it hard to cope, OH is taking our daughter to his Mum's every other night so I can try to sleep.

 

I just feel I have no bond with her, that she hates me etc.

 

I'm just wondering if anyone else has been through it, I feel better on the new tablets, calmer and balanced, so I feel they are working.

 

I xx

[chickencam]

I know that there have been similar posts in the past, I am sure that someone will be along to help. I just wanted to say that although I didn't have PND diagnosed with my 3 I did struggle for the first few years or so until they started to become more independent. I just want to send you warm hugs and to tell you that it does get better. Keep asking for help you will get there in the end.

[bluekarin]

My heart goes out to you. From what I have just read, you have been badly let down by everyone who is meant to be there for you and help you.

I had PND - but didn't know it until my son was 6 months old and my ED was 1 1/2. I was tired all the time, cried at the drop of a hat, had no interest in myself, or tbh, my kids. As much as I loved them. I feel very sad now that it wasn't picked up sooner as I missed a good chunk of my ED's early months.

Do you and your mum usually get on? I do remember my mum saying, when I told her I had been put on anti depressants "what do you need them for?" ie snap out of it.

I would complain to the practise manager about you GP. What they have said is so very very wrong. Makes me mad. If you can't go to your mum, your GP or your hubby then what is it you are supposed to do?

From my experience, it does go. Eventually. It took a couple of years for me to get off the pills and feel back to sort of my old self. But I have a supportive hubby who understood, to a degree, and helped out hugely.

I do hope things get better for you. Try to see a different GP, maybe one recommended by a friend? My thoughts are with you (((hugs)))

[Plum]

Hi, I had puerperal psychosis after my first was born but went straight to a psychiatric hospital. The one thing I wanted to say is your problems are not your fault and not brought on by how you look after your children. These horrible things just happen to us.

 

My son was a beautiful baby but I just felt cold to him. He was a baby but not mine and I didn't feel any kind of bond at that time. When he was about a year old it changed and now we so close (he's 31). I am the first person he comes to and I know everything he feels (not always a good thing ).

 

It will get better and you will be Mrs average again. Hang in there . xxx

[Seagazer]

It sounds like you have been through so much and without much support from the people you are supposed to be able to rely on.

 

I did have PND after I had our first child but luckily it was mild so I didn't need any medication (although I later had a bout of anxiety/depression and had medication then). I know it was hard for my family to see me in the state I was then but they did always support me, although my mum has said in the past that she thinks you just have to get on with life, I did try to explain that its all to do with chemicals in your brain, its not like you decide to be depressed.

 

I had a friend who had a traumatic birth with one of her children and it did affect her a lot. I think somehow you have to get everyone to try to pull together for you including the medical profession. I see you are on new tablets and are beginning to feel better. I found counseling really helpful. I wonder if you need someone to talk through your birthing records with you and perhaps that may help?

 

I hope you continue to feel calmer with the tablets, do try to get out into the fresh air everyday as well. Do you belong to any mother and baby groups? Can often help talking to other mums as I'm sure there will be other mums feeling like you do.

[Alis girls]

I had it bad after ES (now 16 yes we survived) and slightly after YS. I still have depression but is controlled and occ blip but that is not relevant,

Those around you need a kick up the backside - they are not helping matters at all. I think you should have a word with your HV and Gp again - the lack of support is shocking. Probably your OH is feeling scared and hiting out at your girls is one way for him to let off steam.

Is there someone who could have kids for the evening and the 2 of you go for a nice meal and talk this out. Men are often side lined by new baby my OH was - my problems were different in I was mourning my mums death, trying to prop up my dad, was loenly and knew no other mums.

 

You will bond believe me there were times I wished I hadnt had my child but boy that changes I love em to bits and would kill if anyone harmed a hair on their heads. Bonding will come and you will get thro - enjoy your hens and sound off on here anytime. PM me if you want - hugs and Kisses Ali x

PS you dont mention friends and other kids - try and join mum and baby groups when you are physically fitter - helps to get out and meet people. In a year this will all seem like a bad dream - it does get better.

[WitchHazel]

You're having a horrible time, and when you go through this sort of thing it's very hard to see and think through beyond the walls o fthe "pit" that you're in.

 

Your mum is too far away to see what this is really doing to you, and that's probably why she isn't being very helpful. (Plus she may also subconsciously feel guilty that she isn't doing more, we don't like to feel guilty and often turn the feelings against the person who "causes" them).

 

Your OH is,understandably, struggling to understand (how can he understand?), and he's probably also trying to deal with his own feelings of fear and rejection as well. He can't fix this for you, and it probably feels to him that he can't do right for doing wrong. He's too close to the situation, and too directly affected by it himself, to give you the perspective you need and the objective support.

 

Your mother in law, however, sounds like she may be beacon of hope here to help you. You said that she already had a go at your mum, and it sounds as though she realises some of the emotions you are suffering. Is there any way that you can ask her to help you further?

 

By this I mean ask her to sit down with you, so you talk. Make sure the kids and your OH are out of the way. You can start by saying that she's been so kind already, what you want to do is to do a biit of an emotional dump, and then have her help you work out an action plan. Then tell her you know it's all goig to come out in a jumble and sound wrong, and that you feel you've tried to get professional help but you are'nt getting it. Then say that because you don't think you'll be able to get it all out in one go, you'd like her to read something first. Then give her an unedited copy of your original post to read (you can say it was an emotional outpouring and the things in it may not be fair, but that it how you were feeling at the time you wrote it. . Let her read it. And then talk about it.

 

Don't expect her to be able to wave a magic wand. It will be a lot for her to take in. But then she will be able to help you. For example, she could perhaps come with you to your GP. Having an advocate there would be a great help, and that may be the number 1 most helpful thing she can do.

 

Good luck xx

[The Dogmother]

Some sterling advice there, and lots of sympathy from me too. I suffered from cracking PND after Rosie was born and the ex walked out. I refused medication as it's just not me, and I react badly to many drugs anyway. A friend of mine is a hypnotherapist and that helped immensely - might be something you want to consider if your happy with it.

 

It's not wrong to ask for help and no-one will think less of you for it; speak to your MIL and get them all onboard to help explain to your OH. See if he can help in small ways like taking over some of the chores.

 

Please feel free to come back here an chat if you need to. ((hugs))

[ClaireG]

I also suffered from bad PND after having both my second and third sons.

I've actually been put on anti d's and sleeping tablets today after seeing my GP as have been having a really bad few months with my 15 year old son.

You do need to try and get your husband and mothers support. It's easier said than done, i know. My husband has spent several nights away because of both my sons actions when he was here and now because as he puts it, he can't deal with me being on an emotional roller coaster.

[chucknette]

Hi

 

So sorry to hear that you are having such a bad time at the moment and it sounds like you have been badly let down by the people that should be there to help you.

 

I had PND and like you I didnt get any help from anyone not even my GP, HV , Midwife or family.

Looking back I think the best thing I could have had was time out. Looking after a baby, toddler, husband and house is a full on job.

 

Make time for yourself. Hand you children over to your OH for probably an hour a day and do anything you want to.

It will give your OH time with them to see how it all works and you will feel they are safe with him.

 

I didnt have chickens at the time but if I were you I would wrap up warm get a cup of coffee and go and sit with them and think of nothing else except your chickens.

 

You need to break away from the cycle you are in to help those awfull feelings to subside.

 

(people might think Im crazy and I think my baby hates me) these are words we have all used in our PND and got tetchy with our OHs.

 

There is light at the end of the tunnel as every one that has responded to you has got through it and find that we all love our babies to bits. Mine is now 33 and hes still my baby.

 

Just look at your babies and be very proud of yourself.

 

Wishing you well very soon

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I can't offer any advice but wanted to offer sympathy and (((hugs))) .

[The Dogmother]

I know it sounds awfully trite but exercise and fresh air/light really DO help.

[Chickendoodle]

If you had a broken leg you would get loads of sympathy and help and PND is just as real. You are not making it up. You are not being weak. You don't want to feel this way.

 

As anyone who has had even mild PMT will know hormones are extremely powerful things and all of your hormones & chemicals need to get back to normal after the birth.

 

I am so sorry that your Mother isn't at all sympathetic but it's no good wishing that she is something that she is not. It does sound as though your MIL is lovely though so I would turn to her as much as you can. I had a much better relationship with my MIL that my own Mum, both sadly gone now.

 

I agree that fresh air/exercise will help. Also try to do something for you that is fun and will make you laugh. I don't know how far post-birth you are but I started tap dancing in January. It is the greatest fun, quite gentle (ish) exercise and while you are doing it you have to concentrate so hard you can't think about anything else.

 

Hang on in there

[A chickychickychick-ENN!!]

Good grief, I am so sorry you haven't had the support you needed. It can be a bit of a postcode lottery, and it can be difficult to seek out help if you're feeling so low.

 

You are not alone in suffering from depression.

It is a legitimate illness. Not 'crazy' in the disparaging way you fear people will label you.

There IS help out there.

 

Most NHS areas have a perinatal psychologist or some form of perinatal psychiatric help. It can be a bit 'buried' in the psych services, but it is there. The best routes to it are via a health visitor (I know these can be a bit hit and miss) or midwife if you are on really good terms. My GP didn't know squat about it because it's specialist. But the pregnancy and neonatal staff in your area, or at your birth hospital WILL be able to get you linked up to it if you bang hard enough on the doors - really hard when you're feeling low, I know.

 

Your GP sounds rubbish. I would complain to the local health authority/practice manager about that attitude, and get a different one, pronto. Also, the NCT are very helpful and sympathetic to new mums about it. Their mission is to empower women with motherhood from pregnancy through to two years. There will be a branch near you, and there are national helplines on their website. Good luck. It WILL get better with the right help. xx

 

http://www.nct.org.uk/branches/glossop-district/new-parent-support/post-natal-depression

[Chicken shack]

Dog Mother is correct in saying excercise and fresh air are good for depression. It is good that you also recognise that you have PND. My sister wouldnt reconise it untill she had to spend a night in a hospital and she got the correct treament for her. Try and join a self help group with people who are or have been through PND. It sounds like your MIL is suportive, keep her on your side. My mother was very unsuprtive of my sister so you are not alone there.

[Couperwife]

I cant offer anything other than ((((hugs))))

 

hope things settle for you soon

[Looney]

What a tough time you are having. My heart goes out to you and I wish I could give you a big hug and some reassurance that you are a good mum and things will get better.

 

There has been a lot of good advice from others. Please remember you have a whole support network here to listen when you need us xx

[sadietoo]

I had horrid PMT after the birth of my first child..For me it was compounded by not being able to breast feed...I felt like such a failure. I'm not sure if it was a blessing or a curse, but my OH was away on business at the time (and for the first year of her life he was only home at the weekends because of his work) and everyone else had the flu and my HV told me not to go visiting with such a small baby - she was hopeless and didn't really pick up on it at all! Perhaps that's another blessing though because in any case medication was not/is not an option for me (my late Mother was very much a 1960's guinea pig for those little blue helpers which GP's loved to dish out back in the day - and it has put me off antidepressents forever)...and so I did just have to get on with it. It was just dreadful...but by and by I got better and I did bond very well with my baby. Three years later I went on to have a second child with no problems thankfully....

 

I just wanted to say if you aren't getting much in the way of support from your nearest and dearest, it is possible to get through it, and for me I took courage from the fact that I was coping without help...inspite of how I was feeling... but you do have to dig deep at times.... sending hugs and hoping things improve soon...

[sparkysmum]

You sound like you're having a truly awful time and have been let down so badly by people who should know better. I have no advice to offer but just wanted to send my love. You have been so courageous in posting. I hope the sun shines for you soon. Wishing you happier, brighter days ahead. Alli xxxxxxxxx

[A chickychickychick-ENN!!]

I think this may be the NCT branch near you. I hope they can help. x

http://www.nct.org.uk/branches/aberconwy-colwyn

[Cheeky Chooky]

Wow, you are having a tough time of it I haven't suffered with PND but have in the past and am at the moment, suffering with depression, for various reasons that I won't waffle on about now but I wanted to send you a massive virtual hug and offer support, as the others have also done on this thread. Medication does help and just taking one day at a time...that's what I'm doing Be kind to yourself too. You clearly love your chooks and if they're helping you, that's fantastic My girls are certainly helping me, along with my wonderful little Border Terrier. Keep your chin up hun