Omlet cube and run

[BERTIE MCSQUIRTY]

i'm feeling a bit miffed to say the least today and need some "pearls of wisdom" here...or maybe i am being over sensitive?

 

i have been attending a local mums and tots group for the past 7 yrs. its only a £1 pay as you attend.....i have helped out with activities and parties. (professionally i work with children (0-5) in a health setting 20 miles from where i live) so ample qualified.

 

in the last few months the numbers have dropped off in the mums and tots group - to such a stage that it was getting unviable to run (its non profit making) . At the time i stated that i would try and gain funding to keep it open because it reaches out to those that are isolated. i offered to hold some free baby massage to entice people to attend (i am qualified and experienced) and i would get funding through various sources to cover this (rent and cost of oils and handouts - no pay for me). Anyway i have managed to obtain some funding in the form of the county council will pay the rent of the building and the childrens centres will provide the oils / mats and handouts - i have also helped them to apply for a £500 grant which they have won (and wouldn't have known about it without me telling them on the week that the applications closed).

 

i have been this morning to be given a handout of what's happening over the next few months - To find that there is a baby massage demonstration on next month - on questioning i found out that the lady who runs it has been on mumsnet and has booked a private person to do some baby massage! with a person who she has never met!

 

i am absolutely furious - i have never had a problem there - and cant understand why they have done that! - booking a private session will invalidate the funding from the county council / childrens centre as there are only a handful of us in the county that can do this for the scheme. i have told the lady that i am upset and hurt by what she has done and left this morning fairly early- she offered no apology.

[chickencam]

It sounds like you are quite justified to feel annoyed.

 

I used to be treasurer of our local playgroup and the politics there was a nightmare, you have those that give and those that take.

[chickenanne]

Not being oversensitive. I dunno, it seems incredibly ungrateful and downright thoughtless to me.

It always amazes me how some people do lots of volunteering and work for these self-run groups, whilst others are unembarassed about sitting back and doing nothing.

It seems like the lady running it feels a loss of control/power maybe?

Perhaps speaking to her about how you feel is a good step, but that does depend on how well you did get on with her beforehand, I s'pose! Occasionally I think life is too short to waste your time worrying about the behaviour of people you don't know well.

[jackiepoppies]

I find it hard to understand why you have been treated this way after all the time and effort you have put in to make this valuable group successful.

 

I too would be hurt and angry.

 

Is there a leader you can liaise with?

 

Good luck and a big cheer-up hug for you.

 

Jackiex

[fowlbird]

I don't blame you for being annoyed, I would be too. Have you spoken to the woman concerned and told her how she's endangering the funding you helped the group obtain? It seems to me that she may be one of those women who have to be in competition with others or perhaps she's unaware of what you've organised?

 

Here, have nice cup of tea and a bickie...

[The Dogmother]

SHE is the one being insensitive, and how out of order for her to organise something without checking with the group 'staff'

 

Don't feel that you have to leave early or stomp off - hold your head high Bertie and carry on as normal - you do a sterling job.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

What a horrible woman . Why don't you make a point of telling everybody (not just her) that her actions are threatening the funding. Perhaps you could offer to do an addendum to the handout saying that you have offered to do baby massage - free and with no money coming to you (and mentioning the grant too).

[BERTIE MCSQUIRTY]

i'm not staff - i just help with clearing up every week - do some activites (such as painting etc - hand out the coffee's etc).

 

the lady who is running it is fairly new - in the last 3 or so months, having taken it over from the lady who used to run it - i dont really know her - but have had plenty of discussion with her initially (with the old leader too).

 

about 6 weeks ago i invited (on agreement) for an outreach worker from the county council to attend re:funding and she did so.....and therefore authorising grants etc (they have to do risk assessments etc and approve it for insurance cover) and i have been delivered the kit to use (for use in my work and also these freebie sessions). i have nothing to gain here bar loss of time as i dont do private work in this area. i do work privately for myself but on a monday and far away from this area and dont intend to start here.....therefore no conflict of interest.

in a couple of months i will be moving with my NHS job into this area (just a transfer) to concentrate on breastfeeding support.....but i have an agreement that i can still do this in my work time for this one establishment.

 

i have spoken to her and told her that i am upset and hurt about this - she responded that oh well....i just got in touch with a company on mumsnet who do it professionally!, which got my back up even more when she said that -as i took it to mean that she doesnt regard that i too do this professionally (and free).

 

now i am feeling as though i dont want to go there next week - but it is the christmas party and i have been tasked with providing the sandwiches.

[Egluntyne]

I can well understand your annoyance and frustration.

 

I agree with Claret...hold your head high.....and let everyone now about your efforts regarding the funding.

 

If the funding is reliant on you being the one to do the massage, then she will have to back down.

[Rhapsody]

Rather than supply the sandwiches, why not take her in a price list from Pret-a- Manger, after all they are the 'proffesionals'!!

Seriously this woman is a tactless ungrateful baggage, make sure whoever provides the funding knows you will not be doing it, sit back and watch her have to eat humble pie in front of everyone.

And I'm sorry mate, having your feelings hurt like this sure does smart. ((((BMcS)))))))))

[Cinnamon]

Yes,you are right to be miffed.

She sounds like a tactless moo, who quite frankly would be better off elsewhere.

 

I hope things work out for you.

[BERTIE MCSQUIRTY]

its not just me that can do the massage- theres a pool of about 10 of us who are qualified on the team.....its just that i live locally and use the facility. there are a few private individuals around who do offer infant massage groups - but the childrens centres are reluctant to out source these due to rising costs (individual insurance, equipment, registration, time and mileage) whereas i work on a group cover (insurance / registration etc) and that keeps the costs right down.

 

they wont be able to use the stuff from the childrens centre - as i have control over it and have to account for its use (under coshh, health and safety etc)...as it is issued to me to do this and my NHS work.....(they will no way agree to issue this stuff again ) nor pay the rent i would suspect due to the fact that they have already issued the stuff to me, and authorised its use.

 

oh well...i'm in a meeting on tuesday about baby massage.....where the cheques are being handed out for renting premisis.

 

right - off now to tuck into a big slab of french bread, lurpak and crabmeat that i treated myself to from M&S.

[bluekarin]

I don't think you are being over sensitive. I think the woman has been very short-sighted and sounds like she is trying to make her mark. How on earth is she proposing to pay for the massage if your numbers are low and the fees are low, or is the 'professional' doing it out of the kindness of her heart? I helped at a toddler group a few years ago now and the politics were incredible. I hated it and was glad when I left.

 

It reminds me of something my friend told me recently about our sons school. They were doing a WW2 evacuation day for the yr5s and were mean to be going to a stately home but because it is under repair, they had to hold it at the school. My friends sons organised a chap they know who was 6 when he was evacuated to come in a talk to the kids. Her son spent lots of time organising and sorting out the details. On the day, all the kids were divided into groups and went off to do various things. But his group wasn't the one who got to hear the chap talk and see the items he brought in. He was really upset and my friend was furious. But the teachers couldn't understand why she was so cross I find it incredible that they didn't have him chat to all the kids in that year during the assembly.

 

Rather than supply the sandwiches, why not take her in a price list from Pret-a- Manger, after all they are the 'proffesionals'!!

Seriously this woman is a tactless ungrateful baggage, make sure whoever provides the funding knows you will not be doing it, sit back and watch her have to eat humble pie in front of everyone.

And I'm sorry mate, having your feelings hurt like this sure does smart. ((((BMcS)))))))))

 

That's a fab idea Rhapsody!

[susanbb]

I don't blame you for being upset. this woman obviously didn't listen to anything that you had suggested.

[abwsco]

I don't blame you for being upset and annoyed either. I'd certainly let everyone know what's gone on.

 

Going OT but it reminds me of when I was secretary of my girls junior school PTA. All parents worked bliddy hard and raised over £2000 in one year for the school to have new curtains in the hall and some of the class rooms(replacing the 1960's ones!) When the new head arrived she decided she didn't want that to happen and the treasurer just handed her over a cheque which went on rubbish instead. Both myself and the Chairman resigned in the end. Mind you she also referred to me as "Oi you" once which didn't help matters.

[Snowy]

Don't blame you Bertie, I'd be very cheesed off about it as well

[earthmam1]

I dont blame you for feeling as you do I would feel very put out too.Its her

loss and I agree go in with your head held high - I would let people know what happened though.

 

I love Rhapsody idea of taking in a price list for sandwhiches,

 

sue

[Seagazer]

I'm not surprised that you're feeling upset. I would be too. Surely when you explained the facts to her she could tell it doesn't make sense to use the other woman? Silly woman!

[BERTIE MCSQUIRTY]

thanks for all your replies it has been really helpful. i thought i was just perhaps being too sensitive........and well you know, over reacting. at least i know now that i am Normal

 

 

BTW like the idea of the sandwich list. (dont think i have the b@lls to do it tho')

[Lesley]

I agree with all that has been said - I hope she soon comes unstuck!.....and I hope you are there to see it

[craftyhunnypie]

What a horrible moo! She obviously doesn't appreciate you - just wait until something goes wrong!

 

Emma.x

[Cooks]

I dont blame you at all for feeling miffed by this lady's attitude, it sounds to me like she is a bit of a control freak and likes to orgainse everything herself so therefore overstepped your offer with her own plans. It's a shame when people are like this though

[BERTIE MCSQUIRTY]

thanks for all your replies.....i rang the leader (who has handed over control of this group this week), and told her i was upset and hurt about what had happened, i have known her for a good few years, and i have always got on well with her (i dont really know the new lady - except for having a few positive conversations with her) . she was not surprised as she told me that she had booked a photographer in (for santa's visit) 6 months ago and the new lady has cancelled it this week....and bought in a "professional" company. anyway i have made my feelings known.

 

i think you all might be right about the "control issue."

 

i am going to go this friday. i have got a box of new childrens books that came from the library (which they withdrew from the bookstart packs due to a very slight print error) and was going to take them and give them out.....instead i am going to give them to the family welfare association to wrap up and hand out as christmas presents.