Ursula123 Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Over the last few days we have had a lot of rain here in North Devon and there has been a lot of flooding. My In laws are away on holiday at the moment and it falls to OH and I to check on their house and farmland whilst checking on my girls ( he has retired so no animals, just my chickens in their orchard). The farmyard and barns are bordered by a stream. He telephoned me yesterday as he had seen the flooding on the news in Cyprus and was worried we had been washed away. I explained to him we were all fine but the stream had broken its banks and flooded part of the farmyard and lower barns to which his reply was ' how did that happen there is weld mesh between the stream and yard' Obviously I was straight on the phone to the environment agency as they are missing a trick in flood defence - weld mesh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groovychook Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Top tip Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Could be a major discovery....think of all the uses to which it could be put. More needs to be done to publicise this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyRoo Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Hehe. I think one of my favourite ones is when you say you're going on holiday and someone asks "Are you going anywhere nice?". Oh no dear, I'm off to some backwater known for its high murder rate and nuclear waste dumping facilities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 On collecting YS from school on Monday in a heavy downpour one of the parents remarked 'Goodness, that rain is certainly coming down out there'.........ever heard of gravity, dear? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat tails Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Me: "Lady, your left brake light isn't working." Lady: "Oh? The one in the front?" Me: "No..... your rear BRAKE light" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvachicken Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 When my Grandma died, I hadn't mentioned it to friends at my daughter's school and when I wasn't there one day but returned the next, one friend asked where I had been. I said I had been to my Grandma's funeral and she said, oh is she dead then, and was very embarrassed at what she'd just said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gavclojak Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 A patient that attends my surgery said to me "oh you have put on weight" I clearly didn't want to talk about it but she was a dog with a bone saying "why have you put on weight?" I was not a happy bunny!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyRoo Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Some of the presumptuous ones annoy me the most. I remember a time when I was about 12, I had to go and withdraw some cash from my post office savings account because I wanted a new toy, or game, or something - it was so long ago I forget. Me: Can I take £20 from my account please? Woman behind counter: Of course dear, are you off to buy a gift for Mothers Day? (It was Mothers Day that weekend or something) M: No. W: Typical! *turns to her co-worker* Hey [insert co-worker's name], typical boy this one! Not buying a gift for Mothers Day! CW: Typical boy! You're naughty you know, your mum would like a gift! W: Why aren't you buying her one then? M: Because she died of cancer when I was 10... *Cue both women behind the counter draining of all colour, and the woman serving me flustering around and not knowing what to do so she just handed me the cash and gave me a weak smile as I left. The other woman just had her mouth fall open in shock. While all the other people in the room fell silent and shifted uncomfortably until I left.* I have several more of these - A few years ago on Valentines Day I was going through a rough time (end of a 10 year relationship) so I decided to treat myself with an anti-Valentines celebration, so I popped down to Tesco. *Me at tills with my ice cream, chocolate, bottle of wine and DVD* *Woman at tills is 'approving' the wine* Woman: Oh, nice to see a romantic young man! Your wife is a lucky woman! Me: Well... that would be a husband, actually. *Flustered woman* W: Oh... sorry, I didn't mean... umm... well, he must be a lucky man then! M: He cheated on me. We just got divorced. I am 'celebrating' by myself. *Woman goes bright red and even more flustered* W: Oh... God... I am sorry! Why are you wearing a wedding ring then? M: Because it p***es him off - but thanks for making this the most awkward small-talk I have ever had in my life. The look on her face, boy did she look embarrassed... I actually felt a bit sorry for her. But then on the other hand, if you make constant assumptions about people... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mullethunter Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 AndyRoo that's really made me laugh Obviously I was straight on the phone to the environment agency as they are missing a trick in flood defence - weld mesh! My employer - I'll pass the idea up he chain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatieB Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Hehe. I think one of my favourite ones is when you say you're going on holiday and someone asks "Are you going anywhere nice?". Oh no dear, I'm off to some backwater known for its high murder rate and nuclear waste dumping facilities. You have brightened my day no end, Ive had a miserable few weeks so the fact you have made me laugh out loud is amazing....still am just really chuckling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Another nurse one here, patient " when are you due?" Looking pointedly at my tummy Me " i'm not pregnant" Patient totally unapologetic tutted. I went on a diet soon after. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
majorbloodnock Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Hehe. I think one of my favourite ones is when you say you're going on holiday and someone asks "Are you going anywhere nice?". Oh no dear, I'm off to some backwater known for its high murder rate and nuclear waste dumping facilities. Ah, the generic visiting of the extended family, then Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 On the school run yesterday morning YS was cold so I lent him my coat (he'd left his in school the day before and insisted he'd be fine without one and would grab his from his peg when he got there.) Howling gale with freezing winds, YS with my coat and so me in a T shirt and jeans. THREE people asked me if I was cold........nah, thermal skin, me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margaret Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Andyroo... just spluttered coffee all over my computer... pretending to be working. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 We were at the BBC Good Food show in Birmingham today standing by a stall when a guy said oh The Snowdonia Cheese Company, I wonder what that is about. Erm cheese from Snowdonia maybe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 That reminds me of a holiday a few years ago in the New Forest; watching some ponies on the grass verge, a man next to us said 'Oh, are those New Forest Ponies then?' My sister-in-law turned to him and said 'No, they're Shetland ponies on holiday'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 I wore my new varifocals for the first time very recently - they are tortoiseshell and 'owly' - and my dear friend and lift share partner took one look and said 'wow, I love your glasses, they make you look really intelligent'. So you saying I'm thick or wot? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatieB Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 I was shopping with my friend recently and she tried on a pair of high heeled shoes and I said "wow I really like them and they make you look about 3 stone lighter" Why oh why did I think that was ok, everything that came out of mouth then just made it a million times worse. Luckily she laughed and replied that is why she wears heels to work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyRoo Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 The other day we were out for dinner and I said to my partner: "Oh look! That guy there looks just like me... only he's obviously younger, thinner, and waaaaaaay more attractive than I am!" My partner's response? "I wouldn't say he was obviously younger." So, yeah, I'm single now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geoid Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 When my eczema flares up a lot of people say "your eczema looks bad" Really? I hadn't noticed the large patches of itchy, red, dry and cracked parts of my own skin.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyRoo Posted December 4, 2016 Share Posted December 4, 2016 Well we had another one yesterday. My step-mother passed away the other week, and in the process of organising the funeral my step-sister found someone to give a secular service. She told my father: "The guy is called [insert name here]. I think Andrew might know him." My father text me with the bloke's name and said that my step-sister thinks I know him. I replied back and said "Nope, never heard of him before. I don't have the slightest clue why she might think I know him!" The OH suggested maybe we had gone to school together and I had just forgotten him. I thought the OH might be on to something and so I Facebook searched for him. Sure enough, there he was with information saying that he was holding the service etc., and indeed he was my age - but we went to completely different schools. I had definitely never seen him before and I was still 99% sure I had never heard the name before either. So I checked another picture and noted that it was a photo of him and his husband! And then it occurred to me why she thought I might know him... *facepalm* I text my father back with the information and the words "The UK is a big place. We don't all know each other!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat tails Posted December 4, 2016 Share Posted December 4, 2016 You don't??? Aren't there conventions? Or secret societies? All straight people have to go to ours... oh wait no... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted December 4, 2016 Share Posted December 4, 2016 Andy _ have to say I had guessed before I got to bottom of your text what you were going to say. Patients make laugh when I am about to do certain procedures like ear syringing or removing sutures and they say " have you done this before?" I want to cackle loudly and rub my hands together gleefully and shout " no you're my first" . But I resist the urge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyRoo Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 You don't??? Aren't there conventions? Or secret societies? All straight people have to go to ours... oh wait no... Well, yeah... we do... and we have the monthly newsletter, we just don't discuss it with outsiders. I've said too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
