Chicken bald back

[CatieB]

Today I am going to work like normal.Yesterday afternoon my friends 18 year old son was killed in a car crash.

 

I thought very highly of him, he treated my son in a lovely way and always had time for my son even when my son was in all honesty annoying a teenager. He did work experience with me too something we rarely allow.

 

We haven't told my son and don't know if we should.

 

I know there are no words I just needed to vent.

[Egluntyne]

Very sorry to hear it.

[chickencam]

What a horrible shock

 

You don't say how old your son is, but in my experience they find out in the end and can feel betrayed if not told at the time. this has happened to a few people that I know and it hurts. There is never a good time for bad news.

[The Dogmother]

What a horrible shock

 

You don't say how old your son is, but in my experience they find out in the end and can feel betrayed if not told at the time. this has happened to a few people that I know and it hurts. There is never a good time for bad news.

 

Ditto. I've no more words to add, but really feel for you; hold your son tight when he grieves.

 

Thinking of you.

[Groovychook]

So sorry, what awful news.

I agree with others though- best to tell your son sooner than later. Poor lad, he won't understand but at least he won't feel that he's been left in the dark.

xx

[mollyripkim]

Oh what an awful thing to happen, my heart goes out to the parents as well.

I can only reiterate what others have said and tell your son as soon as possible. My sons best friend at college was killed in an accident too when they were 17 and his tutor rang us the morning after to tell my son, he went visably pale, blue lips and the sobbed his heart out although everyone is different. My son also had a car and was learning to drive but didn't touch it or drive it for the next two years so in the end we sold it, he is now 24 and only just thinking of relearning to drive.

I am just so sorry for all of you.

[Scary Mary]

When my brother died in unexpectedly, I waited a week before telling my children. I thought it best to wait for the post mortem so I could explain what had actually happened rather than tell them he had just been found dead.

 

My children were 9, 7 and 7 at the time. They all reacted very differently, the eldest just said “oh No” and went very quiet, my daughter wanted to know how, when and why, but my younger son was furious. He put two and two together, realised that was why the police were waiting at the gate when we got home the week before and demanded to know why he hadn’t been told before, we were told in no uncertain terms by a very angry 7 year old that he should have been told immediately.

 

They all handled it better than I expected, but we were lucky in that my brother had never lived near us and there was no danger of them accidentally finding out before I was ready to tell them.

 

So although it will be difficult you are the best person to tell your son, and soon. We have found, even when older a brief but true explanation, is best and then take your lead from him.

 

I’m so sorry, it’s a horrid thing to deal with and such a waste of a what sounds like a super young man. Don’t forget to allow yourself space and time to grieve too.

 

Mary

[Cinnamon]

I am so sorry.

I think that the shock is what just floors you - it certainly did us when my Husbands best friend was killed in an accident a few weeks ago

It took a long while for either of us to accept what had happened to him, in fact I don't think it has truly sunk in yet,despite the funeral.

I just felt hollow for days.

As I said, it is the shock of the situation that makes it all seem so unbelievable & incomprehensible.

 

My thoughts are with you & your family.

[freddie]

So sorry,

we too are grieving, for a 28yr old beautiful young man. His mum and dad have been staying here this week.

It's hard

[Daphne]

I'm so sorry But I do agree with everybody else, your son will find out, and surely its best he finds out from you. He will need support, people to talk to or rage at if he wants to. The shock of these things happening at such a young age can mark us for life, regardless of how old we are, but assuming your son is around the same age as his friend I would imagine its going to be even tougher for him.

 

I hope you have support too.

[bluekarin]

I just wanted to add my sympathy to you all. What a horrible shock I agree with everyone else in that you need to tell him sooner rather than later. He'll feel upset anyway, but he doesn't need to feel angry with you along with it, if you see what I mean. Also, do allow yourself time to mourn him.

[Olly]

So sorry to hear this

[Ain't Nobody Here]

What a terrible tragedy, I'm so sorry.

[Purplemaniacs]

So sorry to hear your sad news.

 

Yes I agree with the others, tell your son, it is better that he hears it from you than someone else.

 

Chrissie

[Forestchook]

Just wanted to add my sympathies, to you and all who are affected by such a terrible loss.

I agree you should tell your son sooner rather than later. You don't say how old your son is but if he knew and was friends with the young man then you cannot protect him from the loss forever. Plus he may be hurt that you kept it from him. You also don't want him asking after his friend to your friend (or any member of the family) when sees them because he doesn't know.

[CatieB]

Thank you everyone for your kind words..

 

My son is 8 and I have just told him, he was momentarily quiet, asked a few questions and then carried on with playing. Ummm. Seemed to be thinking about it though. We will keep an eye on him. It's just his mum now that needs to stop randomly shedding tears!!

[chuckmum6]

Last week I was at the funeral of a 17 yr old lad, who tragically took his own life, it is just so hard to comprehend the terrible state he must have been in and the awful waste. It has really disturbed me, but his poor family ......

[soapdragon]

Just logged on after a few days away in Devon and saw this...that's just unbelievably horrible for everyone concerned; I CANNOT begin to imagine how his mother is feeling. I have two boys of 5 and nearly 9 and just went cold as I read the post. My love and thoughts to family and close friends.

 

As for your lad...children can be quite resilient, or they can just take their time to inwardly digest things. IMHO its best to be totally honest and then keep a careful watch on him and his emotions and be ready to deal with the whys/wherefores etc when/if they occur.

 

From experience I do think its important to still talk about the person who has died and remember them ....HUGS!

[Seagazer]

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. We never expect young people to die early so its almost as doubly shocking when tragedy strikes. I lost a couple of cousins when I was a teenager and my ES has lost 3 friends (one in a truly horrific way). Just be there for your son, take time for yourself too and your friend. He may not react now, it may come out over time or you may find that as he's so young it may not have too much of an effect on him at all. Young children can be matter of fact about lots of things.

 

Sending you all (((hugs)))

[Willow]

Catherine,

How awful for you, your son and especially for your friends.

 

I'm glad you decided to tell your son, it is never easy but I do think we should be more open about death. A much loved uncle of mine died when I was 12, I was talking about it recently and my brother who was 7 at the time said he really minded not being allowed to go to the funeral, he hadn't realised I wasn't allowed either despite being older.

 

My husbands uncle died recently and one of his cousins wasn't going to allow her 16 yr old daughter go to her grandfathers funeral on the grounds that she felt children shouldn't go to funerals , My father died shortly after (shockingly unexpectedly, my OH uncle was very much expected) and my 16 yr old son opted to be one of the pall bearers. He found it hard especially when it came to lowering my dad into the grave but it is something he feels immensely privileged to have been able to do for his beloved granddad.

[charly1979]

Sorry to hear your sad news, not really sure what else to say as everyone has given such good advice. Its never an easy thing to tell children. I too have recently had to deal with bereavement the loss of a dearly loved Uncle and the following week my friend had to go through a stillbirth. I wasn't sure how to tell my children as they were all so close. Lyds (11) has been brilliant Alex ( seems to have coped but the odd thing he says I know he has talked about it at school with friends and even at the age of 8 his friends have given some very grown up advice As for my 4 year old well I suppose if we all saw things as simply as they did it would be a little bit easier .

 

I hope with time things will get better for you and that you get some comfort from everyones kind words xx

[chickencam]

My thoughts are still with you, your son will come to you with questions when he is ready. I feel very strongly that you can be honest with children in a gentle way, honesty builds levels of trust and respect over time. Children hate to be patronised.

 

Your news has stayed with me, as mother to 3 teenagers, one of whom can drive and another is currently learning, with their plan being to get a car in the summer holidays, it made my blood run cold. My thoughts go out to all of you.

[newcountrygirl]

So sorry to hear this. It makes you realise there are so many sad things happening every day to someone. Live every day to the full and remember to talk about them - that's the way peoples spirit lives on.