4m x 3m Omlet pen, cube, new auto door still boxed and coop light

[BeckyBoo]

as I have, sadly I guess, asked Mr Bertie to leave. (Bit of a drastic downsize I know ) Anyway (this is the first time I will have written it really,) he's an alcoholic and I had to go to my doctors for a recurring croaky throat today, she knows me, him, his family and has done for years and years. And basically having dealt with the croaky throat thing I asked her for advice about OH and then proceeded to UNLOAD all the stuff that living with an alcoholic dumps on you. And at the very end (to her credit she didn't even LOOK at her watch and bearing in mind it wasn't really anything medical ) she said basically, there wasn't really much I could do. Which I knew. It has to come from him, that's what they say. But 8 years married and it hasn't come yet, so following an awful incident at the weekend enough is enough and I have politely, but hopefully firmly, asked him to leave. I wasn't angry or rude or anything, I didnt shout, no recriminations just enough is enough.

To be honest I have kicked him out once before but he came back all sorry as they do, I'm steeling myself to not let him back unless he's dry, but realistically that's very VERY unlikely to happen. I'm not at all worried about managing the practicalities of evry day living without him, goodness sakes, he's incapable by 8.30 most nights and he only gets in about6.30 from the pub, it won't be that much different! It's always calmer, tidier, I'm calmer, the kids have a better routine whenever he's away so short term looks fine. Longer term the house will have to go. I won't be buying anywhere as I only work part time and still have one at home so longer term will be tricky. People will rent if you have a cat, or maybe a dog, but not a dog, cat, fish, chickens etc etc so will have to sit down and have a really really good long think. The hens shouldn't be too much trouble as I have the cube and run so can keep 3 or 4 and the friends I have hatched this last lot for will take most of mine I guess as they only have the two I gave them a fortnight ago. Dogs not going anywhere, nor is the cat, fish aren't an issue and we're giving the snails away to a school anyway. Don't want to but will have to stay local for the children to have some conituity re schooling and family, but ultimately I want to leave this area completely, have wanted to for years, looks like my time might be closer than I think.

 

So after all this very long ramble (another one ) I am very positive at the minute, I know I will go through all sorts of tearfullness, sadness, anger etc and I don't have a problem with that. I just hope he behaves, although there's a fair chance it will get messy, that's the thing with drink, if you're a drinker it's not just you that gets affected by the alcohol.

 

Wish me luck

 

Mrs B - going to think of a new name to mark the new beginning for me and my lovely children

Edited October 21, 2008 by Guest

[Seagazer]

Oh my goodness Mrs B - that is a big change. I wish you all the luck you deserve for trying to sort out your life. I hope it all works out ok. You seem to have it all straight in your head, thats a really good thing.

 

From your posts it sounded like you are the main parent in your household anyway so the kids should be fine.

 

Good luck and I'm sending you lots of virtual hugs.

[Yorkshire Pudding]

Lots and lots of luck. You have taken a huge step and you deserve it to work out.

 

 

Sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

[Looney]

Gosh. Wishing you all the very best luck, you are incredibly brave for having made such a tough decision.

 

We're here to offer support, advice, shoulders etc should you need us. Give your kids a big cuddle and I hope that things work out for the best.

 

Big hugs xxxx

[Egluntyne]

I am so sorry that you are having such a lousy time and that it has taken its toll on your health, sleeping etc.

 

You have put a lot of thought into this decision, but having read between the lines in many of your posts, and following the one the other day, I'm kind of not surprised.

 

It has been clear for some time that you were not happy and were shouldering all the responsibility and worries of the family, work, bills etc.

 

Best wishes for a happier future and lots of love.

[..lay a little egg for me]

Well done you! My dad was alcoholic and my mum should have left him but never did. He did manage to stay dry for 35 years (!) but relapsed in his 70s and caused mum so much grief and trouble. When he tried to stay off the booze he went on to women instead and when he died he left half his wealth to his mistress whom he had only known for less than a year! This meant mum was not left with enough to live on and the stress and worry of the years before and after his death led to mum dying suddenly of a massive stroke. If she had left him 40 years previously, everything would have been a lot better.

 

So, my advice is to be strong even if he does come back dry as you can never trust them not to relapse. You are well out of it.

 

Sending (((hugs)))

[The Dogmother]

Take a deep breath R, hold it, then let it go slowly and let all your tension out with it.

 

Have you thought about keeping the house and taking on a lodger? I have a mate in a similar situation and she's got a wonderful chap who only stays during the week when he works at a nearby company. It pays the bills and enables her to stay in her house.

 

I am sure that you know this... but OH has to provide financially for you and the children - please seek advice, if only to tide you over in the interim.

 

I know how good it feels to finally take control, so feel free to get in touch if you need to chat.

[Cinnamon]

I think you are brave & wonderful & so doing the right thing for you & for your children.

We are always here if you need help or advice or just want to offload

[Mrs Webmuppet]

Wow, sounds things are changing for the better. Good luck and best wishes for the future.

 

Don't forget to claim every penny you can from the tax credits & DSS (or whatever they are called this week) you deserve it! You may find that you can get free school meals, prescriptions and all sorts of stuff.

 

Also make sure you get some legal advice, most solicitors will do a free half hour appointment, to protect yourself and the kids.

[The Dogmother]

Thanks for reminding me Mrs WM; you'lll also get a 25% reduction on your council tax if you're the sole adult occupant. You have to make sure that NONE of his mail is coming to the house though.. I had that problem when the ex left when R was a baby. He still had some of his mail (specifically tax and IR notices) coming to my house, so the IR were reluctant to pay me any tax credit until I had proved that he HAD moved out and it was just him being useless

[Jillus]

You are one brave lady, I hope that it all works out for you eventually. There will be tough times to come you know, but you have a great attitude and that, your kids and your friends will help you through it all. Brave too, to share this with us. Love and prayers.

[abwsco]

Sending you loads of {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} Mrs B and also lots of postive thoughts your way.

[Guest]

can't offer you any advice, just sending lots of hugs. Stay strong, I feel you will come out the other side a much happier person. In the meantime, lean on friends and family, that's what they are there for xxxx

[jackiepoppies]

Like Egluntine, I can't say I'm that surprised.

 

Just remember we're here for you. To have finally made the decision must have taken a load off your mind and now you can start positively planning for yours and the childrens future.

Take care of yourself.

 

Hugs Jackiex

[sparkysmum]

Wishing you brighter, happier tomorrows. Be strong. Allisonx

[Omletina Kyckling]

I'm sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts - from what you have said, you are definitely doing the right thing for you and your children.

 

We're all here for you. x

[keyhole kate]

Stay strong Mrs B Not an easy one but you have taken the first

brave step. My dad was an alcoholic and I lived through all the

lies, shouting and broken promises, hidden bottles buried in the

garden and a milllion other places he thought we wouldnt find

I had as a teenager people say to me

"your dad's an alcholic isen't he" No one can ever understand how

that feels I daren't take friends home

 

when ever you begin to soften or have doubts and you will

stop and think back to how life was at its worst and be determined

to stand firm put the children & yourself first trust me they will

thank you for it in the long run

 

he will never change unless he can see and admit he is the

one with the problem. In my personal experience that's as likely

as being struck by lightning

 

You could sell your home through a council scheme (10%)

below market value whereby eligible people on the Housing

list are eligible to buy you then take there space and are housed

I am fairly sure your local council will run this if not a similar scheme.

At the end of the day they are responsible under there statuatory

obligation of the homelessness act to house not neccesarily you

but the children as they are under 18 (I used to work for my local council)

 

I know only too well what you & your children are going through

my mum never had the courage to do what you have I wish she had

 

For the record I loved my dad dearly then and now

although sadly he has now passed away

 

XXX Special Tight Hugs XXX

Always here for you

[Mrs Frugal]

Goodness, MrsBMcS. What a decision to have to come to but you know in your heart that it's the right one for you and your children so stay strong. Wishing you the best of luck in your new life and sending you big hugs in support.

[Karen & co.]

Gosh Mrs B, you have been doing some serious thinking, and made some huge decisions you should be really proud of yourself

 

All the love and luck in the world to you while you go through the next few months growing and moving on as a person in your own right, and a fantastic mum to your children.

 

Karen x

[bronze]

You're not alone.

We're here for you

 

Bes of luck for the future and make that new handle a really positive one.

[Snowy]

Oh Mrs B, big hugs from me too.

You are doing the best thing, not just for you and the children, but for him too. I also lived with an alcoholic (step)parent for many years, it is awful for children - very bewildering. And your GP is right - an alcoholic will allow you to pick up the pieces for them for ever, they have to be forced to stand on their own two feet. Despite that, it is still sad, and here's hoping that this is just what he needsto come to his senses and go back to being the man you fell in love with. Hopefully you will just feel so much better being back in control again. Praying for you Hun. xx

[poachedegg]

The difference in this post and the one the other day is huge......you sound really positive and decisive in this one.

 

I really hope it all works out for - it is probably going to be hard, but what price your sanity?

 

Good luck to you, your children and the pets!

 

(and remember you have loads of support on here )

[baby bears mum]

What a huge decision - and so much the right one for you and your children. You are a strong, brave woman who should be proud of herself. With the main problem gone you will probably find the others easier to deal with. Citizens Advice might very well be able to point you in the right direction.

 

And as for your new name Superwoman seems quite apt I think.

 

Heres to the start of the rest of your life. Go girl.

 

Love and hugs

 

Helen

 

x

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I'm so sorry to hear this news but it really sounds like the right decision for you and your kids. You are a strong woman (as proved in your last post) and you will come out of this even stronger now you've made this difficult decision.

 

Any time you need a rant, a weep or a bit of advice or reassurance, we're all here for you .

 

Here's another hug for you

 

 

I was thinking "Miss Behaving" might suit you .

[ClaireG]

Well done you for making the decision. Stay positive and strong. All the best for the future.