Space Chick Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 OH and I have just returned from a fabulous holiday in Las Vegas for OHs 40th birthday. Whilst on holiday we had some really sad news... My next door neighbour committed suicide He was only 33 and a lovely chap. He looked hard as nails but was a really sensitive soul. He hung himself at home whilst his wife and son were at his wife's Mums, they came home and found him Whilst we were sad on holiday and in shock, since arriving home it's become all too real. I can't stop getting teary today at the futility of it all. The little boy doted over his Dad. My little cul de sac has become a somber place, everyone had lovely stories about him. He was a fabulous father and great with children and animals, and he'd do anything for anyone (he'd cleaned our guttering last year just because he'd was doing his and saw that ours needed doing whilst he was up there and knew OH is nervous on ladders) It really makes you appreciate your loved ones Just needed to get virtual hugs and to share Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 Oh Hunny, some virtual hugs from me ((())) That is so sad - his poor family. Does make you wonder what drives people to these lengths, we never really know them do we? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groovychook Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 Oh what awful news He sounded like a really lovely man. How utterly devastating his poor family. I'm sure you will all miss him terribly. Sending you lots of love and a great big hug xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Chick Posted April 22, 2012 Author Share Posted April 22, 2012 Whenever I think about his wife and son I just cry. They were such a lovely family. It was his wife's 30th birthday last year, and we helped him out by putting up banners and decorations when he took her to dinner. We weren't close friends but we were friendly neighbours. Just so tragic that he would have felt that low and have taken such desperate measures Needless to say, his wife and son are staying with family at the moment, but I honestly don't know what on earth I can say and do if/when she comes home Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groovychook Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 Needless to say, his wife and son are staying with family at the moment, but I honestly don't know what on earth I can say and do if/when she comes home Very difficult, I know, but just letting her know that you are there for her and offering to help with the every day stuff will be of immense comfort to her to begin with. Hard to know what to say at times like this but sometimes a hug can say more than words ever can... It's not going to be easy, but I'm sure she'll appreciate your support and concern in the times ahead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Sending you lots of hugs, such sad news Xxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 That is so sad, his poor wife and son . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I'm so sorry, I do know what you're going through at the moment. My aunt recently took her own life. You will be in shock and cry at the slightest thing for a while. It will take time to recover from what is such a shock. I know that sounds a bit over the top but I think its because you know that the person involved was in such a deep, dark place, we can also feel guilty that we weren't aware of their anguish and pain and that we weren't able to stop them from taking their own lives. I didn't know what to say to my uncle (my aunt & uncle are only 9 years older than me) but you just give them a cuddle, tell them that you're sorry and that you will do whatever they need you to do. My uncle said to me at the funeral that he felt at least now she was at peace. Time is a great healer is a wonderful saying as it does get better or you just learn to accept what has happened. Annx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lindafw Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 big virtual hugs for everyone affected by such a tragedy. It is so sad that someone reaches such a point in their lives. I hope his family manage to move on in time and remember the happy times xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 can only echo what the others say. I had a patient I was very close to commit suicide - I still think of her a lot -20 yrs on. Its so hard and they must be in a really dark place. Hugs from me - all you can do is offer your condolences and love to his wife and child. So so sorry. Ali x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I am so sorry to hear that Debs, what a shame and a waste I feel for his young family. Similar happened in our street; a couple living opposite and down a bit. The chap hung himself and his partner came home to find him, no children though. He was another troubled soul but it was still a shock; the street is very community minded and lost of folks rallied around with cooked dinners and sitting with his OH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daphne Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 That is terrible news, no wonder you are in shock I can only echo what the others have said, grief is shocking at the best of times so you need to let yourself deal with it however suits you best. That poor man And his family He was obviously in a very sad place indeed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scubababe Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 ((hugs)) I too know what your going through as my uncle hung himself unexpectedly . It's always a shock for those that knew them but it is devastating for the family left behind . All I can say is just be there for them. Take every day at a time. Time is a great healer. ((hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaP Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Space Chick I am so sorry, I really don't know what to say but sending you ((hugs)). Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Poor little boy. His life will be blighted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyhunnypie Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Sending you hugs from me. Sometimes neighbours are good friends too. What devastating news. Such a shame that whatever was bothering him went too far & he didn't seek help or talk about it. So sorry. Emma.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purplemaniacs Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 So sorry to hear such sad news, hugs from here too. A few years ago there was a family I knew through a club I belonged to, I got on well with mum and the two young boys, didn't see dad much, mum hung herself and was found by one of the boys, I felt so bad that somehthing had troubled her so much that she had to take that awful action and leave her young boys, I felt so sad for the boys and dad, how the boy who found her coped wth it I do not know. It is so sad that people are so desperate but unable to turn to others for the support that they need. Thinking of you. Chrissie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I can sympathise with all of these - I felt I had failed Lucy (my patient not her real name) if only she had spoken to me - I knew she was depressed and had had counselling but she still took her own life by hanging again. I feel for all of you - the shock for those who find them must be dreadful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superkitty Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 So sorry to hear this. It must gave been such a shock. Poor man, and his poor family My dad died very suddenly in a accident a few years back and some of the most-appreciated help was of the practical sort - dinners that could be defrosted, shopping, people dropping off milk etc. One friend even came around and cleaned the house. We were all still reeling with shock and didnt want to talk to anyone outside the family...but the practical help really made a difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Chick Posted April 23, 2012 Author Share Posted April 23, 2012 Me and another neighbour are going around to clean tomorrow and to empty the fridge of out of date stuff etc... Great idea about meals that can be defrosted.. I have things I have home cooked that I can take around and put in the freezer. We have been around the neighbours today letting them know the funeral arrangements and to collect for flowers, everyone has contributed Their dog is being looked after by a few of us, OH has been spoiling him rotten... He's an old terrier, and seems so depressed love him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plum Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Hugs Debs, sending you wishes to have the strength to know how to talk to her when she comes home. At least at the moment you have some practical things that you can do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheeky Chooky Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Big hugs to you. My Uncle took his life in quite a horrific way many years ago now and when I met up with my Cousins (his sons) at our Grandmother's Funeral a couple of months ago, talking to them it was clear that they are still affected by it, even as big grown men. So very sad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 We too have been affected by suicide - in the past year out lovely nephew took his own life,he was in his mid 20's & I still feel guilty as he drifted away from us after we lost his Mum to cancer in 2000. Then just a few weeks ago a good friend of my youngest daughter took his life after a row with his girlfriend - her was 18. All of his friends got together at the spot they all used to meet at,& released balloons in his memory,then sat around & had a bit of a chat & a drink for him. I hope it helps to know that you are not alone in your feelings of helplessness & futility. Poor little boy. His life will be blighted. Not necessarily. With the right help & support from professionals & his family,this could make him a stronger person in the long run. Sure,his life will not be the same,but hopefully he is young enough to bounce back eventually & this as something that no one had any control over to change at the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keyhole kate Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 How awful my heart goes out to his wife,son ,family and friends who have been touched by such a tragedy I too know from experience how the repercussions of such a sudden and tragic event have on the family friends, the sense of loss and guilt are especially overwhelming to those left behind the realisation that someone could be in that much pain and turmoil but couldn't bring themselves to seek help will be indescribable especially for his family who may never come to terms with his death. My cousin gassed himself aged seventeen by attaching a hosepipe to the exhaust in his car he was an only Son my aunt and uncle never really came to terms with his death his sisters have told me that even now forty odd years on they still feel tortured that they had no inkling of how unhappy he must have been and that now still forty odd years on they all still struggle with feelings of guilt. Hopefully you will feel more able in the days to come to let his Wife know how sorry you are and that you are there for them if need be. Xxx Big Hugs for you xxX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Chick Posted April 26, 2012 Author Share Posted April 26, 2012 Home from the funeral It was completely heart breaking I still can't believe he's gone seeing his family today it was so incredibly sad Going to be some really tough times ahead I'm sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
