ClaireG Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 (edited) Things have been difficult for awhile now but I really thought things were better between us but obviously not. It turns out that instead of staying in a hotel, like i thought on Weds night, he was actually at his parents asking if he could move back in with them. He only came back here yesterday as his Mum told him he had to. He was going to end everything over the phone. He told me when my son was at Cadets last night. He says he hasn't been happy for years but things are getting worse. The reason he sorted the house out,painting etc, getting my son new furniture, sorting the new old car for me was all a lead up to enable him to go. He wants my son and me to still live here, he will pay rent and bills etc. At the moment i don't know if i want that. I don't think i want to live here anymore as this place holds a lot of memories. I feel so alone and am so scared. My son spent half of last night on my bedroom floor and then got fed up of my crying so went to his room. He was pretty horrid to me this morning when he was getting ready for school and my husband was getting ready to walk out. I have spent most of last night and today crying and throwing up. Those of you that have been through this, how did you get through practically etc in those first few days, weeks and months. I did post on FB and a few of replied but i decided to delete my post as my family don't know yet. Edited February 20, 2012 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Very sorry to hear it. xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Chick Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Claire, I'm so sorry. I know things had been tough between you My situation when I split up was very different to yours, so there's not an awful lot I can say that would be relevant to help you, we didn't have children as you know and we both worked full time. The one thing I can say is don't bottle up your emotions and also try and keep busy. Also start think practically once things have sunk in. I know you rent, but one of the first things I did once I got over the initial him leaving was put the house up for sale, as I knew I couldn't stay there. I'm sure other people with children will be able to provide guidance... So much harder to have a marriage break up when you have children Also, try and stay positive... If I didn't split with my first husband, I would have never have found my hubby now, who is completely wonderful Big supportive hugs xxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I'm so sorry to hear this. It will get better, but it takes time - be easy on yourself, and take care of yourself. Have you got a close friend or family member who might be able to come round and spend some time with you? I know telling your family will be hard, but you really need their support right now. Don't make any sudden decisions at this stage. It will all get clearer with time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keyhole kate Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I can't offer any advice I just want to say how sorry I am you are in this position please tell your family they will so want to support you and your son through what must be a dreadful time for you both {{{{{hugs}}}} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lewis Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Know you've been having a hard time with the family and your health recently so really sorry to hear this x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I'm so sorry to hear this . I don't have any advice to offer, I'm afraid, but I agree you should tell close family & friends so they can support you (emotionally and practically) through the difficult times you'll have ahead. ((hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mollyripkim Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 So sorry to hear the terrible time you have been having, just wanted to reiterate what others have said to be kind to yourself and things will get better even if at the moment you can't imagine that it will. My disabled husband left me by getting a taxi whilst I was at an evening job leaving a ten year old and seven year old in bed on their own! I would have never left him because of his disability caused by brain cancer, we had been through so much and he was finally getting better, but he ran off with his carer at the respite house. The kids and I were devastated at the time, particularly my seven year old son who really played up and had several bouts of tantrums and tears etc but actually it got better pretty quickly. I was 36 at the time. My thoughts now are that he did me a favour as after the initial shock and deciding what to do the kids and I were happier without all the stress and of course I wouldn't have met my lovely hubby now treats me so well. I was in council accommodation and eventually bought the house, then sold and moved to our current house which we love. I would have never imagined doing that before. I have discussed things with the kids who are now 23 and 26 and they agree that life was better after he left and they both feel that it didn't affect them long term which is a relief. So just get by day to day initially and eventually you will find the strength to decide how you want to proceed, its only natural to feel scared at the moment but you will become stronger and cope believe me. Sending lots of hugs at this difficult time for you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groovychook Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Just wanted to say how sorry I am and to send you a great big hug. xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BizzyMomma Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 NO advice to give other than to look after yourself and to take each day as it comes, so very sorry to hear this...{{{HUGS}}} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Ditto the others - hugs and thinking of you. Ali x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goosey Lucy Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 So sorry, just wanted to send you a hug x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WitchHazel Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 So sorry to hear this. Try not to make any immediate decisions. You need time to deal with the shock; your husband has been planning this for a while, so he's had time to adjust: you have not. If you have a close friend (or family member) that you can talk to, that might help. You'll have lots of stuff going on and on and round and round in your head and, as you start to work through it, you could really do with someone to say things out loud to. Your mind will (probably) react to this sort of bombshell in a similar way to the way it would if you suffered a sudden bereavement, so don't be surprised if you end up feeing all sorts of conflicting emotions. It isn't something that you're likely to be able to just sort out and move on, you will (probably) need to work through the various stages of grief. Disbelief, Self-pity, Anger - directed at everyone including yourself.... a whole load of very strong emotions, before it gets better. Try to take things one day at a time. Keep in mind (if you can, I know it's hard) that "this too will pass". You WILL get through it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yorkshire Pudding Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I echo what Hazel has said- this is very like a bereavement. Please look after yourself and try not to rush into, or be pushed into, any quick decisions. So sorry you are being put through this. Things will get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chick wiggle Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Oh Claire hunni, im so sorry, i know what you have been going through lately. I cant offer any advice hun, but what others have already said seems to make sense to me, some good advice there. Lots of love and support {{HUGS}} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooks Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I am so sorry to read this Claire, I know things have been rough but I thought or rather hoped things had worked themselves out. If you need to talk you know where to find me Hun, lots of love xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purplemaniacs Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I am so sorry Claire, don't really have any advice other than don't rush into any decisions, please give yourself some to time to come to terms with things before you make any important decisions. Take care of yourself. Thinking of you. Chrissie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I'm so sorry to hear that - I can't add to WitchHazel's excellent advice. Take a deep breath and put some time between the event and any decisions you might make - it does get easier, I promise. When the dust has cleared and OH has decided whether he is staying with his folks or coming back, then you need to decide whether to make any formalised arrangements.... for your own security. Relate are very good and they will happily see you on your own to talk things through and give practical advice/counselling. I've been through the same, with a newborn, and saw them at first as I have no family around here. DS is only unhappy with you as he needs someone to lash out with - he might like to go along with you if you see them. Good luck and try to see it as a new start. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leicester_H Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I can't offer any advice I just want to say how sorry I am you are in this position please tell your family they will so want to support you and your son through what must be a dreadful time for you both {{{{{hugs}}}} ditto Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaireG Posted February 3, 2012 Author Share Posted February 3, 2012 Thank you everyone. I have spoken to a friend who is being supportive, and on her advice am going to the job centre on Monday to see if there are any benefits i can get. My parents have their own business and are very busy, and not at home at the moment, so i can't tell them yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 So sorry to hear this....please look after yourself ie; make sure you eat properly and don't be afraid to have a good howl....it does help and time heals tho it probably doens't feel like that now! Your Forum freinds are here for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patricia W Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Thinking of you, Claire Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyhunnypie Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 So sorry Claire. Big hugs Emma.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LolaLayla Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 So sorry to read your sad news. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortle Chook Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I'm shocked for you. As lots of other people have said, don't rush into any decisions but take one thing at a time. Keep busy, concentrating on the little things till you feel less shocked. As you will be walking through a haze of horror for a bit, making lists of small, practical things may help to keep you concentrated: tiny things like 'buy milk' and 'make bed'. Then always tick them off when you have done them. Your visit to the job centre could go on the list, but Monday might be a little soon for that. If you do go on Monday try to take a friend with you for support. Big hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
