iar fach goch Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 On Sunday night I received the awful news that one of my beautiful friends has been diagnosed with secondary cancer in the liver. Having bravely battled breast cancer last year she has now been diagnosed, only months after finishing her treatment. She doesn't want to talk about it, just wants to be normal, so I don't even know what the prognosis is. I don't know much about it, but I don't think the outlook is good. I'm struggling to cope, so goodness only knows how she's doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlottechicken Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Oh my word, I'm so very sorry Not really sure what to say other than I'm thinking of your friend and you at this difficult time. Probably best to be guided by her at this point, and go along with whatever she wants, I don't blame her for wanting to act 'normal'. You sound like a very caring friend and I'm sure you will be a great strength to her in the coming months. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken Shirl Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I'm so sorry:) You can only do as she asks and act as normal as possible.......Not an easy thing to do I know.....She will tell you about what is happening when she has come to terms with it herself I'm sure:( Being there for her is all you can do right now....{{Hugs}} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluekarin Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I am so sorry to hear that. What awful news. She is probably acting normal as she probably got used to the fact that treatment is coming to an end and all that entails. Has she said if anything can be done? I would echo hat others have said and follow her lead. When she is ready she'll let you know. Just be there for her. Huge ((((hugs)))) to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Very sorry to hear it. xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvachicken Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Sending hugs to you and your friend. I'm sorry I don't know what else to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goosey Lucy Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I am so sorry. All you can do is take your lead from her. Hugs x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 That is so sad, I'm very sorry . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I'm so sorry to hear your news - she'll be glad to have you as a friend. As others have said, she will tell you in her own time, just be there for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groovychook Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I'm so sorry... the poor girl I'm sure she'll treasure your friendship and support in the time to come. Lots of love to you and your friend xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowberry Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Just be there for her, as you are doing already (((huggles))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheeky Chooky Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 So very sorry to read this. One of my lovely work colleagues was diagnosed with bowel cancer at the beginning of September and she died on November 20th It still feels unbelievable *hugs* to you and your friend at this incredibly difficult time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purplemaniacs Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Sorry to hear that. Just be there when she needs you, that is as much as you can do at the moment. I am sure knowing that you are there will be a comfort to her. Chrissie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plum Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Sorry to hear it, it's as devastating for those around her as for her so a big hug for you. Perhaps her family need to talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 So sorry to hear that, sending (((hugs))) to you both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freddie Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 How cruel for her, and you, and her other freinds and family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superkitty Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Really really sorry to hear that. So unfair. Like everyone has said, I guess you'll just have to take your cues from her as to what she needs from you. Make sure that you have someone to talk to about it yourself, you will need some support too in the weeks and months ahead. Will be thinking of you both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparkysmum Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 So sorry to to this. Love to you all. Alli x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Ditto what everyone else has said and hugs Ali x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyhunnypie Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 So so sorry. Life is extremely cruel! She will open up to you when she is ready. Acting normal is her way of coping. If she sees you crying, then she will probably cry & feel very down about things to come. By acting normal for her sake - then she will enjoy all her time with you as her friend. Very hard to do for her - but do your best. Hugs. Emma.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kazmac Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I'm so so sorry to hear about your friend. That's quite devastating for all of you. I understand how you're feeling and the frustration of not knowing all the 'details' as yet. Four years ago we lost a dear friend to breast cancer after her second mastectomy, having just had the all-clear after the first. And in December a close friend committed suicide leaving his wife (an old school friend of mine) widowed at the age of 46 with two kids to look after. Neither of these ladies wanted to talk about things initially and we didn't know all the details of both stories right away. All we were able to do was be there and do whatever they wanted us to do when they wanted us to do it. However slowly they both started to talk about things and we were able to offer our love and support each time. However it has tried our patience at times because we just have to keep 'waiting' until the next 'talk'. And we're still devastated ourselves and are still trying to cope with our own loss too. We're still going through it with our widowed friend as it's only been 10 weeks. But I firmly believe that friends don't always have to say much as long as they're there when they're needed - that's the mark of a true friend. Your dear friend will probably start to talk to you about her diagnosis / prognosis once she's had time to come to terms with it a bit better herself first. All you can do for now is exactly what you are doing - be there for her and hold her hand or hug her or pass the tissues when she needs it. Sometimes that speaks louder than words. However you do need to find someone that you can talk to about how you're feeling as this is devastating for all concerned. You need to be able to 'offload' some of your feelings to make it easier to absorb some of your friend's emotions otherwise you'll exhaust yourself. I'm thinking about you and also sending you a virtual 'hug'. Try to keep your tail feathers up xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lindafw Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 all you can do is be a true friend to her, she will value that above everything else. Make short term plans...visit to the cinema, go out for a coffee etc and when she is able she will tell you more..just keep communicating. BUT look after yourself too, you will need to be kind to yourself aswell x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iar fach goch Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 Thanks all for your replies. Been a busy few days which has helped, but have finished work for the week now so not looking forward to tomorrow where I am at home all day. Every quiet moment is spent thinking about her and her young children, I feel sick at the thought of what we may be facing. Have not spoken to her, just lots of texts, which is not what we usually do, so feels strange, but if this is what she wants at the moment, then so be it. Thank you again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodcat Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 So sorry to hear about this. My aunt (who is currently living with me) was diagnosed with secondary liver cancer in december it's truely awful. I would second the advice to follow her lead and just be with her as much as is possible. Hugs Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iar fach goch Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 Today has been a really bad day, I still haven't seen my friend, she sends texts, but is avoiding meeting up, because we both know we will have to face up to what is happening. She obviously isn't ready for this, in her own words wants to be normal, but this isn't normal for us is it. I feel really selfish for feeling like this, after all I'm not the one with cancer, but at the moment I'm finding daily life a bit of a battle. Work and the boys keep me busy, but I'm finding it really hard to keep on putting a brave face on when facing anyone. Haven't been able to tell the boys yet either as don't know the facts and don't know what she has told her own children. Night time is worst. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...