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Devastating news

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On Sunday night I received the awful news that one of my beautiful friends has been diagnosed with secondary cancer in the liver. Having bravely battled breast cancer last year she has now been diagnosed, only months after finishing her treatment. She doesn't want to talk about it, just wants to be normal, so I don't even know what the prognosis is. I don't know much about it, but I don't think the outlook is good. I'm struggling to cope, so goodness only knows how she's doing.

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Oh my word, I'm so very sorry :(

 

Not really sure what to say other than I'm thinking of your friend and you at this difficult time. Probably best to be guided by her at this point, and go along with whatever she wants, I don't blame her for wanting to act 'normal'. You sound like a very caring friend and I'm sure you will be a great strength to her in the coming months.

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I am so sorry to hear that. What awful news. She is probably acting normal as she probably got used to the fact that treatment is coming to an end and all that entails. Has she said if anything can be done? I would echo hat others have said and follow her lead. When she is ready she'll let you know. Just be there for her. Huge ((((hugs)))) to you.

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Really really sorry to hear that. So unfair. Like everyone has said, I guess you'll just have to take your cues from her as to what she needs from you. Make sure that you have someone to talk to about it yourself, you will need some support too in the weeks and months ahead. Will be thinking of you both.

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So so sorry. Life is extremely cruel! She will open up to you when she is ready. Acting normal is her way of coping. If she sees you crying, then she will probably cry & feel very down about things to come. By acting normal for her sake - then she will enjoy all her time with you as her friend. Very hard to do for her - but do your best.

Hugs.

Emma.x

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I'm so so sorry to hear about your friend. That's quite devastating for all of you.

I understand how you're feeling and the frustration of not knowing all the 'details' as yet.

Four years ago we lost a dear friend to breast cancer after her second mastectomy, having just had the all-clear after the first.

And in December a close friend committed suicide leaving his wife (an old school friend of mine) widowed at the age of 46 with two kids to look after.

Neither of these ladies wanted to talk about things initially and we didn't know all the details of both stories right away. All we were able to do was be there and do whatever they wanted us to do when they wanted us to do it. However slowly they both started to talk about things and we were able to offer our love and support each time. However it has tried our patience at times because we just have to keep 'waiting' until the next 'talk'. And we're still devastated ourselves and are still trying to cope with our own loss too. We're still going through it with our widowed friend as it's only been 10 weeks.

But I firmly believe that friends don't always have to say much as long as they're there when they're needed - that's the mark of a true friend.

Your dear friend will probably start to talk to you about her diagnosis / prognosis once she's had time to come to terms with it a bit better herself first. All you can do for now is exactly what you are doing - be there for her and hold her hand or hug her or pass the tissues when she needs it. Sometimes that speaks louder than words.

However you do need to find someone that you can talk to about how you're feeling as this is devastating for all concerned. You need to be able to 'offload' some of your feelings to make it easier to absorb some of your friend's emotions otherwise you'll exhaust yourself.

I'm thinking about you and also sending you a virtual 'hug'. Try to keep your tail feathers up xxx

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all you can do is be a true friend to her, she will value that above everything else. Make short term plans...visit to the cinema, go out for a coffee etc and when she is able she will tell you more..just keep communicating. BUT look after yourself too, you will need to be kind to yourself aswell x

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Thanks all for your replies. Been a busy few days which has helped, but have finished work for the week now so not looking forward to tomorrow where I am at home all day. Every quiet moment is spent thinking about her and her young children, I feel sick at the thought of what we may be facing. Have not spoken to her, just lots of texts, which is not what we usually do, so feels strange, but if this is what she wants at the moment, then so be it. Thank you again.

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Today has been a really bad day, I still haven't seen my friend, she sends texts, but is avoiding meeting up, because we both know we will have to face up to what is happening. She obviously isn't ready for this, in her own words wants to be normal, but this isn't normal for us is it. I feel really selfish for feeling like this, after all I'm not the one with cancer, but at the moment I'm finding daily life a bit of a battle. Work and the boys keep me busy, but I'm finding it really hard to keep on putting a brave face on when facing anyone. Haven't been able to tell the boys yet either as don't know the facts and don't know what she has told her own children. Night time is worst.

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